i love ashley too

I WILL MISS YOU.

2010-02-06T16:37:00.002Z

I always wondered how it actually felt to send a good friend off. Now I will know. Maybe I've become more sensitive. I actually start feeling quite emotional hours before she's about to leave. I was reminded of how we used to walk back from school, talk about the tree, Judith MacNaught, till that time I saw her by chance at the bus stop. I am thankful to all Gods for that coincidental meet cause I believe that was the one triggering event that made us this close. And of course her exchange to UK and our trip to Austria. It seemed that it was all planned cause if you told me when I was in secondary school that I'd be traveling with Juls later on in my life, I'd not believe you. Not forgetting the meet ups everytime I'm back. Thank you Juls cause I'd not have been able to keep this friendship running alone. I wish you all the best and don't forget to remember me. *hugs*

Its Not Over Yet

2010-02-03T01:44:00.002Z

I do miss those times when I blog about anything under the sun and after not much thoughts, I decided to pen my first entry in months. I hadn't thought of exactly what to pen about cause its early on Wednesday morning and I'm still feeling quite sleepy...

2009-07-06T11:54:00.003Z

The Last. Likely.

Since the last entry, so many things have happened. I've mugged for my exams, sat for my exams, hurried off to meet Chermaine for a whirlwind ride to Oslo, Stockholm and Warsaw, met Serena in Krakow to begin our "arduous" but absolutely, ridiculously funny journey to Budapest, Santorini, Mykonos, Athens, Istanbul, showed them my home of 3 years and Copenhagen, where I got news of my results and where Serena left us, Chermaine and I London-shopped, she left, I met Archie for a trip to Brussels and Amsterdam. Now I'm back, packing the remnants of all memories I left here over the years. The first and most shocking news was for a good friend not intending to attend graduation. One had left due to her inability to cope with stress and hence not sitting for the exams. Now this. Its awful. Atop it all, I've made up my mind to really pack up and leave this place behind for good just bringing the wonderful memories in those boxes I am shipping to Singapore. I am afraid that with time, the little details will fade away and might eventually leave me with nothing but those photos to hang on to. But home is indeed where I belong. I know deep within, my parents longed for me to be really home. My dad said, "you've been away long enough, maybe its time you come back to spend some time with us" School awaits me on the 11th August. I attained an internship with the courts. So many happy and wonderful things awaits me in Singapore its seems like all these are hinting that packing up is the right choice I've made.

I've decided on this really special day, the first time I am not celebrating my mom's birthday to close this blog of mine. Cause I know I will be burdened with school work and all the other times I have, I really want to spend it with my family to make up for all the 'lost' times, my good friends and living life to its fullest. I have so much I want to accomplish that I do not think I'll be able to keep up to this.

To all who have been reading, thank you for all the wonderful comments you've left especially those times when I was down, sick and feeling home-sick. Thank you and may you all find the happiness in life to cherish those around you as I have. :)

Love.

2009-05-11T17:54:00.004Z

后悔了，但是又何奈

Of late, I have been contributing towards possibly days, weeks, months and even likely to be years of regret.

I wished I had woken up earlier to finish what I planned to do. I wished we could turn back time for me to have started revision earlier. I wished I had taken a picture with a snowman I made in the heavy snow. I wish I had given it a try cause we all only live life once, we are only young once. I wish I had more courage to embark on certain things... I wish, I wish, I wish. What's with me these days such that I have the tendency to increase but not decrease my regrets list. How each of these regrets will turn out or under which category they will fall in, I'm not sure. I only wish that it doesn't fall into one where I'll live my life regretting the ommission of the act.

Can someone slap me awake so hard that regret just flies out of the window? I don't like being friends with him because the friendship is an awful one.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

2009-04-29T01:03:00.002Z

家

As I watched 红星大奖 for the first time on Tudou instead of on TV in the comfort of my home during my breaks, I couldn't help but shed that tear of how much I actually am proud of holding that thick flaming red passport. Seeing how a few actually missed the award ceremony because they are in London, I believe my tear encapsulates my regret for not turning up for this day many Singaporeans put effort into making it a success. I heard that it was fun, the weather was good and the food was good too! I guess the exams and the fact that I've been not been surrounded by Singaporeans whilst here makes me dismiss that longing for home to its deepest darkest corner.

This is home.. Truly, where I know I must be, where my dreams wait for me...

2009-04-28T22:40:00.004Z

最爱我的人永远只是你们

I read of blog entries of my friends sharing their travel experiences. I wish I was them. How is it that they don't have to sit for exams like I do? Maybe they've passed that stage. Maybe because they've worked hard before and now they're reaping the rewards of not having to study for one. Whatever it is, I'm envious. I feel really bad for leaving C to do all the work for our trip but I am not exactly in the mood to do anything except to study.

I never felt this stressed before. Its like this last leg is so much tougher than all the other hurdles before. In fact I think its because its so near yet so far. This leg will determine whether it'll be a full-stop or an exclaimation mark or a question mark. How we all wish its an exclaimation mark after all the 'hard' work we put ourselves through. Most importantly for me, it is so that my parents could have 'that hot cup of chocolate in winter', something to warm their hearts for all the hard work they've put in in cheering me on along the sidelines during the race. At times like this, I actually look back at those awful times when I had been lazy, I had rebellious, I had not been understanding, I had been demanding, I had been... And be guilty as charged. The list can go on, yet they still love this flawed individual as whole. Will I ever be able to reciprocate this to anyone I can call my child?

2009-04-20T21:53:00.002Z

Bland Expression.

I've been back from Shanghai for quite some time and much as I badly wanna update about the awesome experiences, I don't have pictures to paint those thousand words. I haven't taken the photos from my friend. I on the other hand, didn't take any pictures this trip because somehow I felt that by whipping out the camera, I'm actually spoiling the whole spirit of things. Camera equates to tourists which equates commercialisation. Maybe the other reason is that I don't exactly like my "new" camera. It doesn't seem to take as awesome pictures as I used to. All in all, I don't regret this Easter vacation to tredge down to China.

I've less than a month to prepare for my final exams and I've been down with some virus which had found its way into my body. It hasn't acted up when I was flying back but it did made its presence felt by blocking one of my ears such that it didn't pop when the plane landed. The ear has been bothering me for quite some time now with the virus only acting NOW. More specifically, 2 days ago. Hell. I've been kinda weak this year with the rather frequent announcement of 'I'm sick'. I now do so with loads of embarrassement and without a choice. I do hope to get well soon and head back to my studies.

Pardon me for this rather bland entry. Maybe its cause I've been having rather bland meals lately to cater to the sick body. Meanwhile all the best for your final exams my friends!

2009-03-27T02:07:00.003Z

A Tranquil Haven

I just sat through another history lesson, this time an amalgam of justice and perspectives. It used to be just studying for the sake of exams, or to the outnumbered just like picking up a book. It was never really about understanding why we had to study it, why certain things were written in a certain way such that certain people were portrayed in such a way, why this particular part of history is in the syllabus and not others, amongst others. I wonder if any at this point has started wondering why one never thought of these questions before...

Over dinner, I learnt that a Korean drama was "stopped" because of how it was degrading a particular country. "Stopped" cause those translators refused to carry on their tasks. It got me wondering whether certain desires of protecting this "virtual" place they call Father/Motherland actually would banish tranquility into another galaxy.

The movie that I just watched aroused many feelings. Partly due to the study of criminology especially the mini dissertation I wrote on the study of what's good and what's evil. The Germans were brainwashed to think that Jews were evil, were vermins. Just like how I came to learn from my research that gangs are thought to be bad because of how we actually grew up from the influence of the papers (the media), our parents (who are also likely to be influenced by the media), our teachers, our peers. Why can't everybody just look at the good side of others and appreciate them for who they are instead of being blinded by greater ambitions? Why was greed ever a characteristics found in humans? Do we 'degrade' a particular group of people so that we can feel superior? Is superiority in this world really important?

Have you ever thought that the Germans might be portrayed as the bad guy during World War II because we all needed someone to point our fingers at when a fault arises? Maybe 'the others' had pushed the Germans into doing what they were doing. It so happened that 'the others' fall in the majority and hence history is told in this way. Well I guess we'll never know cause the past history has been made whilst the future history unfolds before us.

It just take a spark, to get the fire going, and soon all those around can warm up in its glowing...

The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas****

2009-03-22T00:11:00.005Z

Prognosis

I get restless easily. I need excitement all the time. I can't focus on my work until the very last minute which results in sleep sacrificing. I used to be able to solve this problem by watching my shows but now, they don't help. Maybe I do need to travel. To breathe fresh air. Somehow I feel like I'm a small kid trying to seek attention. Worse, I'm suffering from writers block. I kept writing entries but never got to publish them cause they doesn't make any sense at all. Just random rattlings which even I don't understand. (Like now). Maybe I really need to travel so that I can have a rollercoaster of emotions. Yes. What I need. Soon. Embrace the hols!

Australia ****
The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas

2009-03-18T10:49:00.007Z

I Want Nobody Nobody But You.

I had been re-reading some of my past entries and to my surprise, I couldn't recognise them. Either my writing style has changed, my life has become so bland that those exciting days seemed so foreign or I simply have to surrender to age. *Sigh*

Anyway, am I at such a marriagable age that there seems to be a rush around me to get into a relationship so that M would be the outcome? Seems like there has been endless news buzzing around me, either A is attached below her status, or B broke up with C for D who has better prospects, or E in 'doing the right thing' marries F, or G's parents are against the marriage between G and H and the list can go on... Alternatively, it could be the hormones causing the craze.

It got me thinking if I would ever lower my expectations to get into a relationship. At this moment in time, my ideals are that I either get what I want or live without which kinda solve my problem of not getting my parents approval. This reminds me of a time when my brother asked my dad in my presence, when we were sitting together discussing BGF, what he will do if I came back with a boy which is below his expectations. His reply was "I'm sure its easier to pass my hurdle than your jie's. The boy your jie brings back home will be one I will readily approve." I was stun by his reply cause it never really occurred to me that my dad had such high regards of my expectations.

Have you ever wondered what your parents' reaction will be if you got pregnant before marriage? Bet many of you haven't cause I hadn't before this day. Will my parents blast at me, make me abort the child, keep the child, or marry the guy? I had pondered about asking them this question but was afraid it might raise unnecessary ruckus. After all it is just a curiosity question. Besides the parents' reactions, what about one's reaction? What will run through your head? Keep, abort or marriage for the child to have a stable family? I can't say for sure that I will not abort it despite having seen many films educating one not to, after all it is a life but will I have the means to raise it at this point in time? Or even when I am working? It is a fact that a child growing up in a single parent environment would be a societal problem. I've seen it with my own eyes irregardless of how highly educated the parent is.

That aside, what about the idea of marrying into a family who is wealthy and the parents are quite disapproval of the relationship. My mom used to say that this problem will not befall me but you never know now do you?

I seemed to have more questions than I ever did in my life. Its not just this but other aspects too. *sigh*

On a brighter note, the sun is out and spring is officially here. So much so that I've been productive in all areas including movie-watching. I've watched the following in the month of March alone. I believe its one of the most I've ever watched in a month so its worthy to give it credit on my blog and my ratings for those who wondered if any of them was worth watching.

[*Rubbish, **Not as bad as rubbish but not really worth one's time either, ***Watch it if you're really bored, ****I like it, don't know if you do, *****Absolutely recommend it]
Changeling *****
Marley & Me ***
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button ****
He's Just Not That Into You *
Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona ***
The Confessions of a Shopaholic *
My Bloody Valentine *
The International **
Unborn ****
Rachel Getting Married **

2009-03-08T13:29:00.003Z

When The World Says: Give Up, Hope Whipsers: Try It One More Time

The week had been awesome! I spent it busking in the rarity of the sun, restless most of the time as I've completed my work during the previous weekend. As each day passed, I wish the restlessness never had to end cause I know when it does, it'll be one of those depressing, cloudy, rainy days. True enough, it is exactly the case.

I waited the whole Saturday morning for my parents to come online but they never did. I headed to study in the library only to break down when I finally got to talk to my brother (with Jay Chou's songs playing in the background - his songs never fail to let my nose turn sour). Sunday is almost over. Looks like its another weekend without speaking to my parents.

As the holidays draw near, I wonder what it'll be like to actually go home this easter. I wonder whether I'll study harder than I ever would here if I had gone home every Easter cause I wouldn't have to worry about having no clothes to wear (cause of delayed laundry sessions), I wouldn't have to worry about what to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner (cause I never even have to worried about buying food in the first place and making them edible), I wouldn't have to worry about falling sick (cause I would have my proper meals and fruits after meals) and I wouldn't have to worry about the cleaniness of my room. I miss my parents, my brothers and my bestie. I wonder why there are some who yearn to come overseas to study besides the freedom, the prestige?

Eventually its always the case of 'the grass is greener on the other side'. When will human's greed ever end?

2009-03-02T15:43:00.006Z

He's Just Not THAT Into You.

Yes I've just watched it and I must say I have a lot of comments about it. Thank goodness I didn't watch it in the cinema. It was indeed a huge huge huge relief. I even have no qualms watching it in near black and white on my computer. The only person worthy of the cute title is probably Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck and I only say it cause I have to or anyone reading this isn't going to watch this movie because of me. Drew Barrymore's character seems so much like an extra to me (or maybe because I actually fast forward those parts). I fast forward all parts of girls staring at the phone hoping it'll ring and the person calling is not mom, dad, or anyone close but him asking one out for another date cause I just can't stand it. Life IS more than just guys and getting hooked up or married. If you can get either of those, good for you (applause) if not, don't go around looking so desparate just like that Gigi. Desperate doesn't make you any closer to getting a partner, in fact, in my opinion, it makes you look so ugly and even further from getting a partner so guys, if you're reading this and one of them, WAKE UP AND STOP!

Another thing I hate about this movie is: they try to make it seem alright for some married man to hook up with a girl because he's not having sex with his wife and in turn for the girl to agree to sleep with the guy even though she knew he's married. I'm appalled, disgusted, whatever! THE GIRL SHOULD NEVER HAVE AGREED TO BED SOMEONE WHO TOLD YOU HE'S MARRIED. If he hadn't cared about the person he's married to (notice I don't even use the word wife), he wouldn't even tell you that he's married, but he did. DON'T BE A BITCH AND SPOIL THE MARRIAGE FOR THE BOTH OF THEM by saying you can be best friend with him cause in real life, you can never be best friend with a guy who's married. Step out of it all and give them space and if things doesn't work out for them because they're not having sex, then its too bad. Man, I can't stand girls who do that. Worse, she's bedding this other guy who apparently is serious enough to want to settle down with her. Never get not-serious with someone who is serious about you cause you really don't want to be in those shoes of being with someone whom you're serious about who doesn't give a damn about you.

At least the only part worth watching was the fact that despite being in a relationship for 7 years and not willing to marry, Ben's character did in the end.

Man I regret watching this movie. Its so loop-sided to all my principles. What a waste of my time. and to think its a romantic COMEDY. I didn't laugh a wee bit. Now define comedy cause I'm beginning to think I don't get the meaning of the word at all.

I apologise for being so angsty. Seriously, I am wondering if there are any sane guys on the streets any longer available or not. I just received news that the dude I trust so much, thinking he's all decent, nice and sweet to his girl is actually cheating on her with another. What the f.! If I knew the girl, I'd have whallopped this friend of mine!

2009-02-24T13:09:00.004Z

I HATE MY BODY!

It seems like almost everytime this time of the year, I'll be failing sick. The arrival of spring may breathe life but it certainty isn't so for me. I feel like a bird with a broken leg and wing; literally half dead. The throat finally stopped itching that much after I began the cycle of antibiotics yesterday after the failure of the cough med to act up to its mark during the trail period of 5 days. I was coughing every minute than, and frequency increased when I am about to lie down to sleep so much so that I can only try falling asleep with pillows propped up such that I'm in a half sitting position. It was hell but when I fall asleep, it was pure rest till I wake up when the cycle begins all over again. My lungs felt so tired.

Now with my new self-prescribed medication, I can spend my waking hours finishing my work but not before going to sleep for an hour or 2 when the drousy effects of the antibiotics kick in (I'm not sure if its really the antibiotics but I always feel drousy after it and only feel better when I wake up). I've been missing lectures since Thursday its crazy! I wish I never fall sick cause when I do, I take forever to recover. Damn it. Wheezing to sleep has been a much better option than coughing but I wished I had 'clean' lungs again! I crave for all the spicy food which I dare not take for fear of it acting up.

When can I get well??

2009-02-20T23:05:00.003Z

Don't You Just Hate To Be Sick?

My throat suddenly can't stop itching I don't know why. I tried to cough to get it out of the way, drink endless of fluids until I've been running to the toilet every half an hour or so its killing me. At least its no longer dry and painful. I stopped taking medication that makes me drousy. Well I guess I just took it to make myself feel better. Crap. Anyway, just a little comfort, my friends have been really nice in trying to make me feel better by showing all those funny youtube videos they've seen. This I shall share cause its really funny! Tell me about it, I can't stop rolling on the bed and laughing.

I do hope to get well soon man! By the way, I made tiramisu to which my flatmates were eager in giving the verdict. They sat down with plates like little children waiting for me to give them a piece of their favourite cakes -- it was so cute. Over soaked the first layer of sponge fingers but otherwise good, especially its my first try! :) Will upload the pictures when I get them. My camera is still with my mom in Singapore, she's suppose to send it after getting it repaired.

2009-02-13T12:36:00.008Z

"As babies, we came naked and bare with our feet to the stars... So I guess it's no surprise that when we finally leave this life, we'll go just as simply and empty-handed, no more and no less. Life is fair like that, in its strange little ways." -Hwee

There was this sourness in my nasal cavity upon reading this and I thought it was worthy of sharing such good literature. She reminded me of how badly I cried somewhat suddenly after talking to my friend's grandfather whilst holidaying at her place. She reminded me of this book we had to do for literature at lower secondary 'Red Sky in the Morning'. She reminded me of this diary entry I wrote in memory of my grandfather. Most importantly, she reminded me that come 4th June 2009, it'll be 10 years since my grandfather left me. That's when the damp couldn't hold on any longer.

At my friend's place, I was trying to hold a conversation with her grandfather with what little English he knows telling me about life, family and love. On most occasions, I would simply nod as though I really understood what he was saying when I don't. That was how I communicated with my grandfather, with what little English and Chinese he knew cause I wasn't staying with them and my dad is adamant that we don't pick up our dialect; hainanese. My grandfather doted on me the most cause I was the only one who bothered I guess. I remembered him dropping my favourite tidbits through the gates when I had chickpox with only my mom staying behind to take care of me (my dad took my brothers with him to my uncle's house to stay). When I had speech and drama classes before school, he'll make my grandmother prepare food so that I can have it in the car whilst he drove me to school. He passes away after getting Parkinsons for a short while. We (the kids) never got to see him for the last time, now thinking back, I wonder what the reason was. The last time I saw him was him lying there in the coffin. We only have a picture of us with him which is now hanging in our living room. I wish there were more. I also wish I have more memories than these...

'Red Sky in the Morning' is a book on how the girl deals with the birth and death of her baby brother. I remember this particular discussion about the girl feeling really angry with herself that as each day goes by, the time spent thinking of her brother decreases. That was exactly how I felt for the 2 years until I read the book. I learnt that it was God's way of making us heal. Time indeed heals all wounds.

I wonder when its my turn to leave, how I'll actually be feeling, what I'll be thinking. The conclusion I came to was: it wouldn't be as bad as when I am seeing my parents who love me to their fullest walk down that undeniable route. Life will really never be the same again cause from than on, there is no one else there anymore to love you that unconditionally as they do (I never believe anyone without blood relations will be able to do that). If you have kids, it'll be your turn to pass it on...

2009-02-11T23:20:00.003Z

Expiry Dates.

Both the new years have past and yet I've been living in 'denial' that the year has just began up until I took out the kiwis out of the fridge. After finishing 2, it suddenly dawned on me that I probably have had it in my fridge since I came back. On the packaging reads: best before: 29th January 2009. I actually looked at my clock earnest for the first time for the date of the world I've been co-existing in. To my shock, its the 11th February 2009, 9:59 pm. This is so not exciting.

I had eaten long overdue kiwis without realising that they might be spoilt and guess what, I continued eating another 2 until my lips started giving me the signals that I shouldn't be taking the risk. That's not the whole point of it all. Most importantly, I realised I haven't made any new year resolutions for this year. I never fail to do that but as you probably would have guessed, I started the year with procrastination and it look likes its here to stay; evident from the kiwis. I've plans to make it go away with what I intend to resolute for this year.

I intend to join the gym - which I have but have only gone once as a 6th day member - I blamed the snow if you must know.
I intend to get pecs by self-pilating in the room - I need to clean up my room and finish my work first.
I intend to watch my diet really closely - I've been good at it thus far, the only results I've been pleased with.
I intend to be more serious with my work after I revived my internet - which I haven't cause I've been busy catching up with lost hours.
I intend to stop procrastinating and live life to the fullest cause it might be my last day tomorrow.

5 is realistic. And they are easily attainable to be honest. I shall start. After my criminal tutorial tomorrow! Good luck to me!

2009-02-08T12:49:00.003Z

I'm at it AGAIN!

So the internet has been working when it feels like it and there's really nothing much I can do about it when the cream of the crop in England doesn't exactly function to their mark, doesn't even seem trustworthy much less the computer technicians. So I've been praying that it'll be hold out as long as I wish it to. I wonder if my computer has this timer that sets the internet connection off. *sigh*

So I've had the chance to look through facebook to get myself updated with my brothers' lives. Not the most effective but I don't have a chance in the world without the internet to give my parents a call much as I do miss them. My parents wouldn't talk about the phone cause they can't see my face and I haven't a clue why. Anyway, I came across this picture a friend of my brother's posted on his facebook. Boy how ugly he looked than! Laud was the first word to mind. I began to miss those good ole happy days; worry free cause no one judged you on your looks or having to worry about the future holds, friendships were so pure and sincere, stress free with the exceptions of spellings, CAs and SAs. Deep down, I'm glad my parents brought us up the way we are. Comparatively, I feel my brothers are even more mature than guys my age or those older.

This reminds me of this conversation I had with C quite a couple of days ago. She had asked what kind of guy I'm looking for. The past week, I have been asked this question rather frequently to which I'm still pondering for a perfect answer which I doubt exist. Maybe its because brown cow said "you can think of all the wonderful qualities in a partner but when you meet someone you feel right about, all these qualities will just get thrown out of the window". How true. Yesterday over lunch with P, we both discovered that there is no reason for me to even get a partner cause with the exception of getting my computer repaired and xes, I can't find any other reason to rely on a guy. C suggested matchmaking and my inner mind starts to wonder if matchmaking means better and more successful marriages than love that will wane away with age.

The snow fell and easter hols drew nearer (both of it reminded me of J), I realised that this year I have no one to travel with over this break. Ok, I have been crapping because I feel like writing something but am afraid I run out of time; just like that time with J in Austria. I had wanted to write an entry about this all in one buddy of mine amongst other things that happened in Singapore over the winter hols but never got down to it cause 'I've got more important things to do'. I believe its an excuse I have to learn to get over. She had wrote an awesome entry on the 22nd January 2009 http://neverendingrace.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html. Try reading it. I guess I'll just say: I miss you guys a lot. A, C, J, L, S, H, I... I wished I had the msn, but then again, time difference and us being busy just never lead to long conversations. I wished I never had to come to UK to study, I wouldn't miss out on all the exciting minutes of your lives, especially the forwarded msgs on new years day, my birthdays, Valentines day, Christmas.

I've been on a confused state of mind of late so pardon me for this confused rattling from one subject to another without much focus. Just an update, I'm fine and wondering if I should trip down to Shanghai for a week during Easter cause someone invited me over. Please help!

2009-01-12T12:31:00.004Z

Anticipation, Trepidation.

This endless looking at the clock only to notice that not even a minute has passed, checking of the phone to see if I had missed a call or a message, refreshing my inbox to see if I had a new email, glancing at facebook every 5 seconds to see if I had a new mail or message and opening and closing MSN to see if he is online is driving me crazy. All this because my future is at stake. I had handed up my work to someone who will hand it up for me. Because he's a fellow Singaporean and not doing the module that I am, somehow at the back of my mind, I guessed I could trust him. It didn't occur to me that maybe, just maybe he might be unreliable. As the clock ticked closer to the submission time, I was consoling myself that I am not making a mistake by not going back and submitting it myself, but somehow that panicky feeling just wouldn't stop until I have that assuring message through one of those avenues I mentioned. I even started to think positively; that he's in school hence not online which is a good sign. Man. I hope you do know its today UK time! Sigh. I am so screwed if he doesn't. Screwed.

I've plucked up courage to send him an sms to his UK number to check cause I doubt I'll be able to sleep properly tonight not knowing anything. I guess I should start thinking of what I should do as my backup plan if he doesn't. What the hell was I thinking...

NB: He did it long ago. What's long ago I am not sure cause I'm sitting here 1 hour pass the submission time heaving a sigh of relief. Thank God.

2009-01-08T10:55:00.004Z

Best In Me.

For a certain someone who has entered my life with an album from Blue, whose face comes to mind when I see anything blue, this is a song I believe we both know its significance without having to put it in words and I'd like to dedicate it to you here.

Maybe its because I've waited too long to finally see you again. Maybe its because of the Mumbai incident. Maybe its because I'm becoming old and you never fail to make this day wonderful. Maybe its because of all the experiences we shared together. I suddenly am very thankful that I got to know you, thankful that you've been by my side through all the waves I went through in life. Probably unknowingly, you have become an integral part of my life I'd not be able to do without, just like my family. I Love You A. I'm glad you're finally home.

From the moment I met you I just knew you'd be mine
You touched my hand
And I knew that this was gonna be our time
I don't ever wanna lose this feeling
I don't wanna spend a moment apart

Chorus:
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

Every day that I'm here with you
I know that it feels right
And I've just got to be near you every day and every night
And you know that we belong together
It just had to be you and me

'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

And you know that we belong together, It just had to be you and me

'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you
'Cos you bring out the best in me, like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side, and that's why I love you

2009-01-07T14:22:00.004Z

APOLOGIES.

Its crazy how this hols made me a dull Jill; all work and almost no play. I really have this urgent dateline to meet this coming Monday which will determine my fate. I dare not take the risk hence I've been buried in my books, research papers, notes. Sometimes, I'm envious of those friends of mine studying in Singapore. You get true blue holidays. We generally spend our hols mugging for the coming exams or deadlines in January. Fortunately, for law students, its the latter. :)

I can't wait for the submission of the essays so I can do the things I want with a peace of mind. My BFF is back and I've a whole list of peeps, Jo, Juls, Jem, YT, probably Ash and JY if I can squeeze some time out amongst others to meet up. Its crazy how every hols have a hectic rush to finish work, to spend quality time with my family, to catch up with my friends, to hit the gym... And to compromise all these, over each hols that I've been back, the people I meet up with start to strink. There was a time when it boils down to just the gang and some of my college classmates.

I apologise to those who made the first moves to call for a meet up that I've been rather laggy in my responses. I've indeed been really busy and I hope you understand. I should by done by the 12th if not the 14th. Then its.. Time to be merry!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

2008-12-28T15:32:00.007Z

The Significant Other.

“漂亮，贤惠，待人真诚，还有各自超过1米七，家境不要差太多，家庭环境不要父母离异的，要有过好的教育，至于学历和职业没有什么要求。不过要在各方面能帮到我的。其实他们的条件不高，主要是我喜欢就好。”

Was talking to my friend online yesterday. Why is it in Chinese? Cause I'm practising? Why am I practising? I surrender; no idea. Anyways, we were just randomly chatting when we started to talk about my parents expectations of our future partners. Its amazing how our lives seemed to be like the episodes of Days of our Lives or any other American drama. When one part talks about a certain something, those around us during that particular few days/weeks will broach the same topic.

My parents of late have been talking about our future with another because they're almost done with what they should in terms of our education. Somehow, this friend I was talking to broach the same topic as well. I suppose those are the character traits that are universal of all family. With the exception of my parents who have a certain career expectations of our future spouses. Maybe it has to do with them bringing us up to who we are today and the harsh reality of the society.

Then I begin to wonder what those around me are actually looking for in their future spouse. It used to be 'hey share the qualities you're looking for in a boy/girlfriend'. Its different than of course cause I doubt anyone's serious about really settling down, probably looking for someone hoping he/she's the one.

All these as a result of being old. Yes I shall stop at 21 from now on... Yes I'm a crazy girl!

2008-12-26T14:59:00.004Z

Finally Done With The Unwrapping.

Lying before me are the presents given to me in 2008. Its nearly the 31st so I should have 365 of them when that time comes. Don't get it? Facing each day of the past year has been like opening gifts to me, all unexpected at the beginning until the wrapper unveils; some happy, some sad, some worthy of memories, some not, some fear, some anger, some jealousy, some gratefulness...

As usual, the main agenda of my return would be to spend as much time as I can with my family especially my parents cause the fear of losing them grows with each passing day in this turmoil filled world of ours. Every minute with my parents and brothers makes me prouder and more respectful of their achievements. Only they are capable of shaping how I actually feel; laugh because I am really happy from deep within, cry because I am really hurting. My mom and dad can tell me their life stories over and over again but they'll still remain interesting to me.

As I sat talking to my dad about probably the same thing; if not education or our future, bgr 'problems', it struck me how I'll turn an effing 22 in 2 weeks. It eeks me that I just attended one dude's 21st birthday party about a week again but this year unlike last year, I am more scared than angsty. I've heard many say that after 21, you'll turn 30 really quickly. Then 40, then 50 and if all goes well, 60, 70 and... It dawned on me that my parents are in their 50s now. It seems so near that I'll be losing them. I do want them forever with me... Truly, madly, deeply.

Meanwhile, I remain grateful for everything I've been given. Awesome and to die for parents, brothers and friends. I love you all. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2008-12-15T15:33:00.004Z

Waiting To See The Sun Rise.

Sometimes I wonder if all the effort you put in will pay off cause in my case it never has and I'm wondering if it ever will. It gets disheartening at times that waiting for that opportunity doesn't necessarily mean that one day you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not everyone gets to see light at the end of the tunnel do they? Well I obviously am not one of them in my opinion. Lee Ang did say that he waited 6 years before he got his break. For him, there were never thoughts of giving up the wait to be a director. Of course in the process he did take up odd-jobs but that had never stopped him from giving up his dreams. He did it; first Oscars for a Chinese director. Minutes ago, I saw the change in relationship status of this friend of mine. She had waited for this guy to recipocate and it seems he finally has. They have gone through turmoil but they still went together. Its amazing. Maybe the bottomline is that she did with her huge courage told the guy that she liked him years before, that I'm not sure... *Sigh* I guess I never had the patience for anything my way. I never completed my piano till diploma; I blamed it on the teacher who made me hated the keys on the piano. Maybe it wasn't her, it was me. Maybe the bottomline of it all is... ME.

2008-12-15T11:16:00.005Z

Speechless Pain.

I went to the sinseh today to get my knee healed completely and I was sure it helped. The sinseh had gotten my ankle in place before unlike that of the Western educated doctors who simply wrapped it in bandages, for what I do not know. I had seen a gp in UK who simply told me that my knee will heal in 6 weeks on its own. Yes indeed it has been true; my knee has healed but the reality of that fall is, I had caused the tanglement of the nerves that led from the knee to the mid of my back and down to my foot. This time I was sure it was going to put the tangled nerves in its original position. Doctors who did Western medicine will never know unless they delve into it as another specialty which they should imo. I told the guy I had no problem walking or running but squatting or kneeling does and 'miraculously' he touched the nerves that were in pain. Now I feel like I was back to 'normal' i.e. my legs that used to carry me around before I fell. It felt good. BUT the massage process was hell I swear. I was screaming not at the top of my voices at times or moaning its disgusting I tell you. Seems like this fall is serious so I have to go back again next week (oh hell) but yea, anything for my leg to be back to normal again, anything to get rheumatism out of the way.

2008-12-14T05:11:00.016Z

Do What Is Right For You.

I've been back for almost 2 days but somehow this time, only the flesh is here. It actually started the minute I left UK. When the plane took off, I didn't fall asleep as I usually did; its a miracle. I even managed to stay up until the first meal; 3 hours since the flight took off. I'm wondering what made me left my heart behind this time...

Anyway, on the flight, I was given front row seats which I used to desire but not anymore cause the bassinet reduced the space. This flight made me realise that I actually do love kids and would love to have my own. I was playing with the 19 months baby on his first long haul flight half the time and sleeping when he is. Maybe that's why I never got adjusted to the local time. I woke up at 5 this morning to pack my room. Not that there's anything cause it looks like a hotel room now with the necessasities packed in only. I even followed my mom to drop my brother off for his trip to KL today and the market to kill time.

Which reminds me... My brother had his Commissioning Parade yesterday which was a huge success! He graduated from OCS Infantry with a 31st position out of 200. I am very very proud of his achievements cause those before him are regulars and commandos. Also, he has been posted to be the second in-charge of the company in some camp. Haven't put up pictures for a while so here are some pictures to share...

Caught them preparing in the carpark when we were there early.

The Guest of Honour, Speaker of Parliament

Affixing his rank.

The proud Dad.

The Mum.

The sis -- me!

And.. The Bro.

The Best Family.

(not the best picture cause it was taken in a fluster before we had to go back to our seats-I sure look fat though)

2008-12-04T12:01:00.007Z

You Only Get To See The Queen Once In Your Life! -Andria

That made me changed out of my pj's. It was raining at the time we planned to head to school; half 9, a good full hour wait before Her Majesty head to our school. I got out of bed feeling really cold, nothing unusual, but the fact that my class only starts at 3 on Thursdays means I could get more comfortable sleep. Also, I didn't wanna be standing in the rain and the cold just to see her wave for a few seconds. Now, however, I guess its all worth it after all that commotion I went through... Despite going quite late cause of all the dilly-dally-ing, I somehow managed to squeeze right to the front. ;)

And the story goes like this... After seeing the Queen enter the library, the crowd started to disperse; either to leave cause they can't be patient enough to stand and wait till she comes out at half 11 or to move closer to the library where she should be spending the hour in. As my friends and I started moving towards the library, I met the bunch of Singaporean medics. We decided to stay cause from our position, we had a clear view of her car and of her coming out of the library because the people in the first row were not very tall thankfully. Then an old lady from behind came and asked us to move so that she can get a front row view of the Queen and being nice, we did and so did the people in the front row. One of my friend managed to move to the friend when the old lady in her attempt to get her granddaughter to squeeze in in front of us and next to her in the front row made some space from 'shoving' the people next to her. She tried again but we wouldn't let her so I took my chance and moved in front. Sweet. Good view of the Queen and I could now take a nice video of her walk from the library to her car.

Thursday morning came to an end just like that. I didn't regret going despite having numb-from-the-cold-feet from that hour of standing cause of the good view I got. Also, the rain had stopped. :)

Pictures will be uploaded later when I've gotten them all.

2008-11-30T23:46:00.003Z

Gh*sts.

Had planned on finishing Criminal yesterday, Equity today, Criminology tomorrow (Monday) and the rest of the week till Sunday, Criminal and Equity essays. Criminal checked, Equity reading checked. Man. Its 12 and officially time to start on Criminology yet I'm still doing absolutely nothing whilst the time flew pass. The tutorial question just stood staring at me on my laptop.

I had dinner at Blondie's and was just telling my dinner mates about this rather 'traumatising' event when one guy comment, "I think I'll be keeping closer watch of the news in future for you." Having learnt that she was a lawyer on a one day seminar in Mumbai. Touch wood. Later, Amy came online to tell me that the Singaporean who died was her cousin's best friend. I did came across an article with a picture of the best friends so I probbed further in asking if she had been in VJ. Positive, I asked for her cousin's name. Cause it wasn't a common English name, it was registered in my mind as having seen it on the web somewhere having surfed on Mumbai news the whole day. I begin to wonder if I were on the route down the same path... That is scary!

Whilst she was online she talked about how she and another good friend of ours were driving on the highway when they met with a small accident. 2008 is indeed not a good year at all! So many tide changing changes our emotions can't be at rest.

When I thought I had given up further thoughts of this issue, deleted all the necessary files to prevent further reminders, it came right back. Like Mr. Big.

2008-11-30T12:09:00.005Z

The Longest Minute of Heart Trepidation Silence.

I woke up feeling really satisfied with myself that its Sunday, I've completed my criminal tutorial and went to bed at 4 this morning (instead of 4 am on Monday as always have been the case), I'm up at 12 instead of 4pm (also as always have been the case) and I'm ready to start on equity.

Morning ritual includes the rounds of checking messages left over the night (not likely since sleeping at 4 and waking up at 12 is one thing the people don't do here, they either sleep early and wake early or sleep late and wake late), emails, facebook, blogs to see if they've been updated due to the time difference.

Again, I had ignored the fact that its a Singaporean who died in the hands of the terrorist, just as when I ignored the deaths of Singaporeans in the dragon boat incident, when I saw the facebook note as early as Friday UK time. This time, there was no escaping. I found out that she being the first Singaporean to die in the hands of the terrorists was actually a collegue of someone I worked for in the law firm. I could feel that feeling I can't put in words of the entry. Its something like you were talking to the person 2 days before and the next moment, that person is gone; this I've felt before many a times in recent years. Especially so when that person is young. Her life was just about to begin a new phase with her recent marriage. Maybe the fact that she was a lawyer drew her closer to my emotions. It is really sad at times like this.

I was just doing the topic of rape for my criminal tutorial and was wondering the whole time the ordeal the victim had to be put through and their feelings. Similarly, as I read more about Ms. Lo's death, I pondered on how she felt when she knew that she was really going to die. You are not allowed guns in Singapore so what we know of gunshots were on TV. Did those scene on TV ever went through her mind (if she had died of a gun wound)? She went through law school likely to condemn similar acts of terror and never thought it will happen on her. What was her last words which she couldn't convey? The intensity of the fear she had was somewhat imaginable to me; its the kind where all you could think of it run. Not stay calm and think of how to escape but RUN!

I realised that I've always made it a point on my blog to get anyone reading this to treasure the moment, their family and friends and it gets kinda boring at some point but this is how important this message is to me. I'd like any naive individual who hasn't realised that to start realising this before its too late.

I'm thankful I'm alive for another day...

2008-11-28T00:51:00.011Z

Giving Thanks.

I don't seemed to have anything to rush these days. I just have a list of things to be done so that I can start my hols early that's all. So I've been trying to get things done at my own leisure time but Microsoft doesn't seem to be granting me this wish. I must be overworking it just like how Santa probably is working overly hard at what I'll get this Christmas.

You'd probably be wondering what I wish either innocently or out of saving your mind work from deciding what to get for me especially since my birthday so happens to be about 2 weeks after Christmas. Honestly, material wants are endless. There are just so many things to buy (below is above what I can think of at 2am in the morning):

Clothes
Dresses
Formal, Causal, Long, Short (in its different permutation)

Tops
Formal, Causal, Long, 3/4 or Short Sleeves, Long or Short (in its different permutation)

Bottoms
Shorts, Causal Pants, Smart Pants, Long or short, Formal or Causal Skirts (in its different permutation)

Shoes
Knee, Calf, Ankle, Waterproof Boots, High, Platform or Low Heels of which there could be Open Toes, Covered Shoes, Slingback, Mary Janes, Sandals... The List Goes On... Track shoes, Slippers... (different colours, different materials...)

Assessories
Belts - Elastic, PVC, Leather, Thick, Thin (in its different permutation)
Hats - Beanie, Beret, Sailor's, Hats, Triby, Trapper, Top, Pom Pom, Peak
Bags - Big, Small, Clutch, Over the Body, Branded, Leather, PVC...
Rings - Big, Small
Necklaces - Long, Short
Earrings

Hair assessories - hairbands (thick, thin), hair clips

Lingerie

Sleepwear

Skincare Products
Makeup
Skincare
(I don't know anything in this area so I can't go into depth)

All of the above change with seasons and weather (especially so here) not to mention how dumb techy I can be sometimes that there are actually gadgets like the phone, the laptop, the ipod etc to keep up to the changes with updates and upgrades its crazy!

The millenium bug has descended upon this earth. In 2001 the Twin Tower collapsed. We never thought anything without chemical substances within it could be a threat but it had in the form of planes with people in it. Security tightened across the world at airports, train stations, bus stations, shopping malls... The world never got back to being the same again. Whilst fighting racism, tightening of security ironically lead to increased racial tension. Then come SARS. Added temperature checks were implemented at all checkpoints; ferry terminals, trains, airports. In between, the economy rise and suffered according to the flow of these events. Meanwhile, news of bombings of the Madrid trains, London bombings amongst others and most recently Mumbai bombings never failed to hit the headlines 'suddenly' one morning when we wake up to read the papers. What about the children in Africa who are ignorant of these happenings around the world and only cared about their survival. Maybe the 911 incident triggered the media to report more on the terrorists' groups acts of terror than before when in actual the world had always been plagued by terror activities.

With all these, I only hope that my family and friends will remain healthy, safe, happy and successful in whatever they intend to do.

13 more days till you guys become real.

2008-11-26T15:23:00.006Z

When The Last Autumn Leaf Fell On My Feet.

Hands in my coat, scarf wound tight and high around my neck, back hunched, I walked into the darkness that greets me outside the lecture theatre ready to brave the cold. This week, the temperature has dropped rather drastically from the previous weeks. Autumn has said goodbye and winter hello. Its only five but it feels like 9 o'clock Singapore time. Street lamps light the otherwise pitch dark road. Whilst waiting to jay walk across the road, someone rushed from behind me and into the car parked illegally in front of me. That moment of a second, I felt heat rush to my spine, my heart, my nose, my eyes...

I remembered the one time when my parents picked me up from school. I lived minutes away from school but that day, their call came conveying that they were here to pick me up because of the rain. All I could think of was rush to the car glad that I don't have to brave the rain. This reminded me so much of it.

When the guy opened the door, an older looking couple sitting in the front turned to greet him with a smile. The smile was like hot chocolate fudge to ice-cream, so intense that I actually felt that rush of warmth suddenly. It felt so nice. Family warmth never fails to warm my frozen heart. For a split second I wished my parents are with me. *cue the tears* That was a first time I actually teared in public on my own. aAs in if I do tear in public, it must be because of something I recount to someone else.

15 more days till you guys are no longer virtual...

2008-11-22T09:32:00.009Z

Jay the Capricorn (too!)

Surprisingly, when you think you deserve to sleep most to make up for the lack of sleep the previous day, you end up sleeping even less. It wasn't my record to stay up till 12 yesterday cause I only woke up at 4 pm the day before; that's only 32 hours, 16 hours short. I did go to sleep at 12 but was awoken by my flatmates who were preparing to head to Stonehenge at half 6. I'm a light sleeper that can't go back to sleep after being awoken, so I do hate it when people wake me up because of their inconsiderations.

Anyway, that's besides the point. I woke up thinking I could do some reading but I ended up watching some variety show whose guest was Jay Chou. I realised that he had actually released a new album and amongst other things put a wonderful closure to 2008. What have I done that had made 2008 wonderful for me? I don't know. What a sh*t answer is that?

I learnt that he is a Capricorn like me and he sure put this fellow Capricorn here to shame. He held a tour concert, had a new album, planned the sequeal to Secret this year. To top it up, his works are always of quality; his songs never fail to trigger that tear gland of mine simply because they are always focused on kinship. I am in fact eager to get my hands on this new album because it will be really impactful to me. First, its titled Capricorn - I guess I needn't explain that. Second, it can, should and will act as a reminder and motivation for me to make sure that by the end of 2009, I will not say: I don't know, when asked what I've accomplished at the end of 2009. Third, the songs in this album are especially focused on the family - which has been my focus, the constant in my life. Fourth, I've never bought any of his album, I'll like to make this my first because of the above 3 reasons. Fifth, I finally truly admire this guy and his works and not because he's the idol of someone else. :)

2008-11-21T20:49:00.004Z

Procrastination Queen.

So I've decided to leave all the writing of the essay to the very last minute when the research lies waiting weeks ago. I could actually have the cheek to sleep until 4 in the afternoon before starting on attempting the question. In actual, I only started really seriously looking at the question at 12 midnight. Before that, I was just random surfing. Why am I like this?

So after the warm shower at 12, I began looking at the question earnest and started. I thought I'd need coffee to keep me awake through the night but surprise surprise! I didn't need any! I stayed up, finished it and finally handed it at 3 this afternoon (the deadtime). I have been struggling to stay awake since but I refuse to have coffee to stay awake cause the only reason I'm staying awake is simply so that I wouldn't mess up my body clock. I need to wake up when the world is up; not when the world is not. I will sleep early tonight but I'm still waiting for the pizzas (my dinner) to come in cause its Maria's name day today and she's having a party in the kitchen. I hope you get it cause in my state of tireness, I think I'm making sense. :)

No more procrastination until I get home. I hope.

2008-11-18T17:06:00.007Z

Lucky To Escape Death.

In the wee hours of this morning the fire alarm rang. At half 2, that's NOT a drill. I 'vaguely' hear it so I continued trying to fall asleep. Rules: stay in your room if the alarm in your flat didn't ring and keep your door closed. Our doors are all fire doors. I thought it was some minor "fire" cause the fire detector here is REALLY sensitive, I thought its another one of those idiots who tried to smoke in the room. If not, its likely to be from another block cause the walls here are REALLY thin.

BUT... I received a call from my friend who is living in the apartment next door who said that the lift lobby's fire alarming was ringing. So?? The safety windows were slowly opening on their own. We looked down and saw loads of people downstairs already. There were loads of police and firemen. I woke one of my flatmate up and asked her to wake the others whilst I tried to reach for others living in Opal. Thinking everyone's accounted for Ayu and I tried to walk down but were choked by the very heavy smoke so we walked back up. Clearly it seemed like we were walking right into a fire so we decided to come back for wet towels to cover our noses and mouths (cause I remembered my mom telling me to). Apparently my friends had already made their way down whilst I was still trying to reach for others. By then, the fire alarm in our flat was ringing and that was when one of the girls in my flat woke up. I was dismayed. Apparently my friends had arleady made their way down whilst I was still trying to reach for others without waking one of my flatmate. The 3 of us made our way down seemingly the last left on the upper floors. It never crossed my mind to be scared really. I now wonder what I was thinking then. By the time we reached the middle, the firemen were all on the way up with fire extinguisher on their backs. The choking smell all blocked by our towels so we didn't really suffer the after effects but I can so imagine what's its like having breathed in the a small bit minutes before. They hurried us down; some glad that we are making our way down the building, others pissed that we took so long. I guess if the building was to go down, its highly likely I wouldn't be writing this entry today.

I am thankful for still being able to breathe, to feel my heart beat, to see the colours of the wind... I guess because my parents and brothers already know how proud, how thankful, how grateful, how happy I was of them and with them, my friends that they had left great memories in my life, I actually couldn't think of what it would really be like if today really was the last.

2008-11-13T12:11:00.014Z

HUGE RELIEF.

Apparently I've been scaring myself to death yesterday for nothing. The fact that, I seemed to have lost my senses in my leg when I'm standing, in addition to the swelling of the knee cap which suddenly appeared after the reduction of the swell of my inner knee, was nothing.

Thanks for all your concern and apologies for blowing things out of proportion. I have been really scared after the fall cause I've been used to only seeing the same 2 doctors literally my whole life. They have gone through thick and thin with me and have provened that they can be trusted to make me feel just a little better. Without them here and of course the assuring arms of my parents, I just ran into a frenzy. Many many apologies.

I finally saw a doctor today after an appointment I made this morning at a goddamn hour of half 8. My classes start at 11 these days hence I've never had to wake up before 10 much less 8?!?! Well, this is how the system works: you either book your appointment with the doctor after 11am in advance for the days after or you call in at 830 to hope to get an appointment the same day you call. They reserve 50% of the days appointment to those who have to see the doctor on the day itself.

In my case, I called yesterday hoping to book in advance BUT... even next week's advance booking is full! So I was asked to call at 830 today which I did on the dot only to be in line at number 50. How exciting is that? Do people get sick more easily here or is seeing a doctor some kind of spa therapy?

Keeping to my appointment, the doctor simply twisted my leg for 2 minutes, said its nothing serious, that I just need rest and hopefully I will recover in a few weeks time. Then I was allowed to leave. 'Nothing serious' sounds good, 'rest' sounds wrong cause I've been reducing the frequency of leg usage to no avail, 'hopefully' sounds pessimistic, 'allowed to leave' sounds... I asked for presciption only to be told to go to a pharmacy. I am sure I looked like a lot puppy cause she tried to find a piece of paper to write down what I can get from the pharmacy. So I am wondering... Does it mean that the pharmacists will know what to prescribe you if you go see them? Or are you already supposed to know what to get? Or better yet, are doctors here simply psychologists?

Thanks goodness my doc prepared a set of medication for me to take with me here (see what I mean by trusting; I do have a problem of not being able to trust anyone easily if you don't already know) which happened to be what the doc wrote on her piece of cardboard.

:):)

2008-11-13T01:23:00.002Z

ACL, MCL or BOTH?

I had somehow thought I have a MCL injury. Maybe I do have ACL too! I am so scared. Does it mean my heel days are so over? I've never been afraid of pain and even if I do feel it, I never let it show. This is not the way to reward me!! By taking my heels away from me! What's going to happen to my 40 plus pairs of heels? What is going to happen to me? I'm actually in pain; not because of my knee but from the prospects that those heel days are likely to be over. I don't have to go through a relationship to know what it feels like to breakup now. I haven't exactly been able to stop the tears from flowing whenever I think of it. HELP!

2008-11-11T23:32:00.006Z

Crashed 10 Pounds Never Got Back To Being New

What about us? Were we indeed a sheet of blank paper that was scribbled on, coloured on by our parents, our surroundings? Had our parents pictured what they want us to be like before they laid their pens, pencils, crayons, colour pencils, paint brush on the paper? One thing I do know is that we can never go back to being new.

The relief of having completed the 'week' since Tuesdays represent half the week's timetable has indeed taken its toil on my emotions. Maybe being one legged frees the brain space for more unwanted irrational wonderings. My gosh and I was thinking this day will never come this year. I 'finally' miss home its crazy. When I'm in final year, I should be enjoying cause it is going to be the last time I'll ever leave home. Why are humans so complicated?

I was just reading this site I stumbled across on the characteristics of my horoscope. I normally just search for mine but today I went beyond that. My mind asked why I hadn't checked out what my parents' are and probably check the reliability of it since half their lives have been laid in front of them. It turned out to be exactly so. I sobbed. Don't know why. Maybe I am grateful as I've always been that I've got such wonderful parents. Maybe its because I knew I wouldn't be here if my parents are as superstitious as I am; their horoscopes, age and what not are not compatible but they work out fine. Maybe I am afraid of what I'll be like when I'm their age. Lately, I've been wondering what's it like to be old, nearing death, and up to the point when you're lying in the coffin. Do you know that you'll be gone? What are you feeling at that point? Any regrets?

Maybe its not all that but something I had kept hidden within, taking out occasionally as jokes to share with friends simply but otherwise quite void of any feelings. No feelings because I refuse to believe it was never there to begin with or rather, not having any feelings to what is kept hidden will mean it will last longer in its place. Keeping it in conversations is my way of denial and hope; that this is indeed not happening the way I want it and hope that its happening the way I want it. Fairytale endings are just never meant for me. I want a brand new note.

Another friend of mine told me she lost her v. Another one who had swore to abstain till marriage couldn't hold it till the end. I thought she was kidding when she said 'I'm with the guy'. You and I both know that when someone say that in this time and age it actually meant sex. So I was 'you had what? sex?' she corrected me saying love. I thought she wasn't hearing what I said, so I repeated myself and she was nodding. Only me and this other girl knows. She was gushing about how beautiful this whole thing is and that she has no regrets. I don't know what to feel. I've heard girls who told me later that they regretted it but I can understand cause they weren't mature when they did it. She's one I had expected more of. Its her important year this year and I always believed that its difficult to handle something as huge as that a committment as school work. It reminded me of a particular set of days. *sigh* It must feel nice to have strong arms around at times like these hur...

My knee can't go back to what it used to be according to what I've been reading online. I wondered if I could still wear heels. I will be on the verge of sucidal if I can't wear heels after this injury. I regretted going to play netball. For the first time I wanna turn back time.

I wanna go back to being white.

2008-11-08T19:34:00.003Z

Inconvenience Choked The Pipe I Took For Granted

I am in pain having sprained my knee or whereever (just that to me the knee is in pain hence) during the early morning netball practice for the Singapore Society Nottingham Games next weekend. There was no bruises so no dislocation of the joints (as with my previous experience), no fractures according to my medic friends (since I could actually move my leg), it definitely wasn't leg crams so I might have pulled one of my thigh or feet ligaments. F. Simply because its so inconvenient -- I need my mobility more here more than anything else anywhere. I walk to school, move between roomes for classes, get my grocceries, cook my food... The list goes on.

Actually I'm not in BIG pain just a little inconvenient. As I popped around town, surprising, it never crossed my mind that I actually needed someone to help despite cringing a few times as I hobbled down the stairs. Until, one of my friend gave me the extra hand as the pain worsen towards my walk back. After that, I hobbled around the room without help but wishing I had. It would be good lying on the bed resting the aching leg whilst being pampered -- just like home. My mind strayed. I wondered if there are going to be occasions in the future when I'm older when I will wish I had changed my mind about getting a guy in my life -- for company's sake.

Whatever. Right now, thankfully, I'm not suffering any bout of home-sickness. I'm only becoming stronger...

2008-11-05T14:05:00.019Z

OBAMA

Racial Barrier Falls as Voters Embrace Call for Change

The outcome that I had wished for. Thank you!

Watching the news and the 17 minute victory speech of President Obama on MSNBC moved my heart. It was indeed a heart-warming victory. As the camera zoomed into scenes at Times Square, momentarily, I wished I was there. When the news anchor appeared on the huge plasma screen announcing, "Obama will the the 44th President of the United States" the crowd roared and hugged each other. In Chicago, the faces of those listening to his speech were glistened in tears whilst nodding in synchrony to words like democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope. So was mine. The young, old, rich, poor, Republican, Democrat, black, white, hispanic, Asian, native American, gay, straight, disabled, not disabled; everyone stood one united. It was what I had hoped for: a shared destiny despite singular stories, a new dawn is at hand. YES WE CAN!

2008-11-05T01:03:00.009Z

I HAVE A DREAM.

Today is THE day. The day I would have gladly cast my votes as an American IF I were an American. I am not and never will unfortunately.

As I stood in the Student Union after my last class of the day listening to the radio being broadcasted, I felt that quiver of "patriotism" down my mind. The few who were interviewed would cast their votes for Obama. I recalled talking to my dad about politics in P3, I even remembered exactly where I was sitting in the living room, when I thought to myself for the first time that the Democrats have my vote thick or thin.

It pissed me off when I was watching this American news that showed this guy who said, "Its Republician all the way, Party above Individual." I don't know if its because he's Republican or that he will vote for the party irregardless of how capable the individual is. Ok, I've got to admit that I might be kinda biased here cause I've always been a Democrat supporter but I do know that Americans are actually holding 2 votes when they walk into the polling centres to cast their votes today. 2 votes because they're voting for their voice to be heard and ours. Yes, ours, from the rest of the world. I didn't think they should be so selfish as to vote party above individual. Many countries' economies; imports, exports depend on the US, many currencies are pegged to the US dollar, just look at the collapse of Lehman Brothers, a US investment bank. Not only do Americans lose their jobs, so do their counterparts working in the bank's branches all over the world.

This is an election the whole world will keep their eyes closely on. And I mean THE WHOLE WORLD especially so cause for the past 8 years we've been made to accustomed ourselves with the idea that airport customs checks have to be more stringent than ever, having only allowed to carry 100ml bottles of liquid only in handcarries, we've been made to never take our security for granted, we've been accustomed to opening the papers in the mornings to see the consequences of bombs being used and make silent prayers for the victims, we've also had to be accustomed to the idea that our parents might risk losing their jobs. I always wondered if a Democrat had taken over either half of the 8 years, would we be seeing a different world today?

I was moved when I saw the video that was done for the elections: Obama should win. He represents all the hopes and dreams of everyone. Maybe Martin Luther King's dream is finally coming true. "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." We need the success of this small step for a big step for mankind. My Law Society had never had a Chinese running for Vice-President, much less President. Maybe with this, there's hope for future Chinese studying law here to run for those coveted positions.

S0 many big dreams. It will all be reveiled when the results are out. Are these dreams going to be fulfilled in a matter of hours?

Damn, I should be sleeping but under the guise of researching for my tutorial, I am staying up to refresh that page that gives me news on the results of the elections regularly. By the way, could anyone of you help by giving me suggestions of any films on crimes/criminal etc. Thanks.

2008-11-01T14:07:00.007Z

Trick, Treat or Tsitsinisma?

Halloween this year was at the Student's Union. You can't imagine clubbing at the university? We club at the university. Its amazing how by day, lights stream into the room lined with some chairs and tables for the different societies to carry out activities; selling tickets for a dinner, tickets to a concert with a light stream of orderly queue seen. By night, the place reek of alcohol, disco lights give you the occasional glimpse of a cute guy or hot babe across the dance floor, plastic cups and bottles line the perimeters of room, a couple or two engaging in a heated moment of passion.

Most were dressed up as dracula, witches, doctors, nurses, amongst others; the latter two not really to the theme but what's important was that everyone was there to have a good time. The music isn't as good as I expected but who really cares after a few drinks? Alongside tricks or treats, I came across the theory of tsitsinisma. My friend came up with this for all single indepedent girls to have their fun -- like a man. Like how Samantha loved to say "fuck like a man" just that its a case of flirtation, dancing, probably sharing of a kiss or two on the dance floor then bye! No numbers should be left and those passion replication only allowed on the dance floor if you're comfortable about it when you meet again. Its crazy I tell you. Really crazy. Its kinda "dangerous" cause we're clubbing on the university campus and seriously, you don't wanna be bumping into that guy you met the night before.

Having watched Sex and the City and wondered many times if there are indeed characters in the film that actually exist life, I came to the realisation that I actually have met one... Meet Diana the Leicester Samantha!

2008-10-31T20:24:00.006Z

Waiting for the Pink Sky.

I teared when I saw the scene of Brady being baptized. It has to be the music and the sacred verse the priest read out at the same time. Having learnt criminal psychology especially how it has been portrayed through films, I was 90% sure one's eyes and ears work hand in hand to move the heart. The scene touched my heart so much that for a second and just a second thank God, I wanted a child of my own.

If I remember Lombroso correctly, genetics was the reason for criminals-who-didn't-know-they-will-be-criminals to turn into criminals. Indirectly, genetics make us who we are and where we are today with a slightly less percentage the result of our surrounding's influence. Are some people just not capable of being the envy of most; finding someone to give their love, have kids and lead a normal fulfilling life?

2008-10-30T13:23:00.003Z

Loneseome Aging.

The sky is sombre outside. Its crazy how the weather has changed drastically after I woke up one day; from real sunny to cold air trying to force you to embrace winter's approaching presence.

I had been hooked to Sex and the City ALL OVER AGAIN! Yes. That's my meal and break times pleasure. I was watching this episode where Carrie was left all alone in the restaurant on her 35th birthday for the party she didn't organise. How crappy that must have felt. She even had to pay for her own birthday cake cause the organisers were apparently still not there way pass the meeting time. And... I HAD TO BLOG ABOUT IT!

I don't want to get married ever. The story about guys, its not the focus today. But it got me thinking. When single, independent girl grows old, will her friends' priority change so much that it seems a MUST to have a guy around? Or better yet, an sms or voicemail to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY and that's about it?

With the 'blooming' of 21st birthday parties happening all year round since its our turn this year, I begin to wonder if these parties are indeed the last of birthday parties as we walk further and further away from youth. Or if these parties are indeed the last our friends will gather around us singing the happy birthday song. I yearn for the life those girls in Sex and the City have. Meeting for breakfast at least once a week to catch up, drinks when they feel like it, parties to 'check out the single and available hot guys' and the list goes on...

It seems pretty impossible to me cause my clique happened to make up of a group of Mirandas (career, work comes first) and a or two Charlotte. ;)

2008-10-28T23:57:00.003Z

Rollercoaster Tuesday.

I had meant to write an entry about life. I was all that emotional after that talk with Diana but after certain individuals who just pissed me off, I decided to delay that to much later; when the mood is around again.

The feeling is finally gone. This really special feeling. This feeling of constant wishing that he'll come talk to me online like he always used to for the past 2 years. This feeling that he bring a smile to my face when his msn pops up. This time, I wasn't excited. My heart no longer skipped a bit. I no longer have to think of what perfect things to say to him, I just did. It no longer bothers me. The day that I knew will come has. Its surprising its almost 4 years. I don't know to feel glad that its finally over or what. I'm simply void of anymore feelings when it comes to this. Maybe I've decided to concede 'defeat'. No 'crushing' down no more.

My stomach is bothering me; its not the kind where you need to rush to the toilet, it just feels really painful, rather discomfort cause I've got a high pain threshold. If you know me well enough, I can't stand discomfort. Like all these isn't enough, my re-run of Sex and the City is taking so long to load. To top it all up, there's this ass who constantly thinks that being in year 3 is like being in year 1 as he is in. It only takes a brain to know that year 3 is a busy year for most of us so stop the bloody pestering. I so feel like using the f-word. I've had a 6 hour day stretching from 9-5. I need a break. Ok. I am probably not making sense. I was pissed. Listening to Lionel Richie has just triggered that soothing nerve in me. I just want to fall in love now.

2008-10-19T11:54:00.003Z

Insecure.

I was force-reading legal moralism in preparation for the criminal tutorial to be taking place the next day when the idea of how groups are formed came straying into my mind. I came to a conclusion almost immediately that its simply because everyone is insecure. All these a result of my recent meet-up with a new bunch of Singaporeans doing law over here. They stuck with each other during school, meals, Friday nights, weekends and probably even morrisons marketing. It was a group I wished I could be a part of but no Singaporeans came with me in my year. I guess its just difficult to step out of one's comfort zone to go make new friends and stick with them in a whole new environment when right in front of you lies a bunch who will know you better than the rest. How much can a foreigner know about Singaporeans, eating habit, living habit etc.? All these is the result of I believe the insecurity in everyone's subconscionous mind and it even applies to men.

When I thought of a few loners I know, I began to wonder if they are indeed really independent people. I couldn't conclude that any other ways. They could even be insecure too cause they are afraid that in a crowd, their inferior complex becomes magnified. Oh wells. I guess its another of those 'lazy' Sunday afternoon, sitting next to something warm (the heater), sipping a cup of hot Milo (from Singapore) and looking out at this cloudy-clear (this type you'll never get to see in Singapore cause in Singapore, cloudy skies are normally formed by dark clouds, not white) sky 'inspirations'. :)

Apologies to those who have been a follower of my blog for failing to update for a long time. I've been busy and haven't exactly had the inspiration to sit down and write something when I have the little bit of spare time.

2008-09-30T16:20:00.007Z

Counting the Blessings.

I'm finally back in UK. For the final school year. Something I'd not have expected 2 years ago to have made it this far but I did. Surviving all the home-sickness ordeals was another that I wouldn't have believed I would have done if you told me this than. BUT I DID IT!!! OMG!!

I've not exactly had a moment to myself since coming back cause I've to adapt to the new changes taking place everywhere around here. The society is now under 'renovation' as the major 'shareholders' prepare for the make-or-break. The rest were simply too laid back and busy with final year to actually care even if the society collapses.

The University had a facelift over the hols. We've got a new library which looks like it was just air-ported over from New York City and sticking like a sore thumb amongst the other buildings, especially when its located beside the oldest building in the university. Think, stone buildings in the very UK architect next to sleek, glassed, black building very typically NY. The interior of the library: soft red carpet, shelves and leather sofas, the look of professionalism took the place of green and brown 1980s themed. We now have lectures in this new building. Ewww. Cause its really far from the accommodation say 15 mins walk. Generally the university did experience quite a HUGE change.

I shan say much about the people cause the number of those who actually changed in terms of looks, behaviour and character shocks me beyond words. I wouldn't say for the good cause it makes them less them if you know what I mean and I can't hold a proper conversation with them anymore.

As for the city of Leicester, its rustic feel is gone. I've been to town a few times to get a couple accustomed to the place and of the bargain places. Today I decided to take my usual route around town for the last time. Last time cause I know I'll not bother going down this route again simply because the popular shops that used to line the huge walkways alongside some smaller shops now stand empty. Peering through those glass windows into those empty spaces that used to be haven for most of us during sales, I wondered if life around here will ever be revived again. The new shopping mall extention, Highcross, brings more buzz to the city than ever much to my dislike. It never used to be so crowded on a Wednesday afternoon.

Flat and mates wise, I ain't regretting. 8 more weeks to home and into the arms of those who misses me. I miss you guys too!

2008-09-21T07:31:00.020Z

Purchase Friends Not By Gifts.

This is probably one of the few times in addition to the CV times I experience difficulty in getting started with writing. You probably cannot imagine how many times I've typed something then hanged on to the 'delete' button, rewrite it, delete it, rewrite it, delete it. More than an hour could have passed. Playing music doesn't help solve the writer's block. I want it to be perfect for someone who only deserved the best.

It started in the year 2004. Had I not been ostracized by this group of people I thought I could hang out with in college, I'd not have gotten to know her. Yes I have been called names cause I wasn't exactly the prettiest or smartest girl around class. I wasn't the partying sort either but the girls were already boozing at the age of 16. Basically I was the nerd, period. Had I not known her, my college years will be the years I wanna erase out of my life memories. This girl, despite being from Raffles was ever ready to accept me into her group which consisted of another RGS girl. No Rafflesian snob; I felt the most comfortable and record the happiest college times during the short stint before they left for ACJC and AJC.

I remember how much fun we had trying to trick this guy who actually wanted to profess his love for her. I remember how she helped me get the stuffs I wanted to give a grand finale to the angel-mortal game we were playing. I couldn't get it myself because my mom will always be ready to pick me up from school. It sure sounded like some drama off TV. The friendship that knows no boundaries. I remember the times when I taught her to play this Japanese song on the piano every break we had just so that she could play it for Mr. SJI. I remember how we had tears in our eyes as we both hugged each other for the last time at SA. I remember how we'd try to stand at the intersecting line separating AJC and SAJC at the volleyball match finals cause she wanted to pass me a sunflower (for what reason, unfortunately I can't remember). I remember how my mom will knowing pass me an envelope from the letter box saying, its from Jo again. This girl I've only shared friendship with for 4 years never forget me at Christmas, my birthdays and sometimes, just a random letter into my box.

Today when she passed me a present saying its something she got me from Korea I was really touched. My mom told me before that if someone were to remember you on his/her holiday, it just means how much you mean to the person. As if this isn't enough, I could not be there for her birthday party cause of some last minute family event despite promising her that I'd turn up. I could imagine how disappointed she'd be. Despite these, she could still claim "its been about 4 years since we last knew each other, though short, but always memorable because of your sincerity and endless giving to the friendship." She has been attentive to details; knowing that I love sushi and would make the effort to go have it together, she'd not be afraid to share anything of hers. Her neatly wrapped presents, letters make me very embarrassed of myself. I never had a habit of wrapping my presents and it would all seemed like I was never sincere about it. Reflecting of myself, I felt measured so far from her praises for me. From her, I received more than I could give. My feelings are simply... beyond words.

To Jo:

I am very honoured to be one of the 4 recipient of this diary series. Yes I like it very much thank you. In fact, I had been planning on whether I should get something special to mark my final year in UK, or simply 2009; the transition between UK and Singapore. You've fulfilled my wish as though you can read my mind. I wanna thank you for making the effort to meet up with me despite your busy schedule. Also, I wanna apologise for rather self-centredly rattling on and on when we met. I really should have been a better friend by giving you the listening ear you probably need. To this friendship you give without reserves, besides thank you, I couldn't think of a better way to express myself.

This poem I shall dedicate it to you:

To me, fair friend, you never can be old,
for as you were when first your eye I eyed
such seem your beauty still.

William Shakespeare

2008-09-16T08:59:00.007Z

Ning Street Buyout.

Like the banks sharp attrition rate in Wall Street this past days, weeks or even months, so have my 'friends'. I have chosen this holidays to remind myself of who are indeed worthy of this title. Simply because I do not want these worthy friends to slip out of my hands in the busy times to come. We'll all be busy with work and me being a family person, family always comes first. Having clearly 'identified' those credible friends nominees, I'd like in all excess time outside work and family to be spent with them cause they truly deserve that extra time. Thanks guys. Coincidentally, following my decision to sieve out the worthy was the historic fall of 3 US' largest investment banks Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch and close shave from AIG, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac on Wall Street. Looks like 2008 is indeed the year where only the truly 'worthy' remains standing.

No offence to all those who thinks that I shouldn't be treating 'friends' like this. I remember having a discussion with another who thinks that there are certain people who should simply be categorized as acquaintances to begin with. So had I 'classed' them as such at the beginning, I am not actually 'degrading' them am I?

2008-09-15T15:06:00.004Z

Faith.Hope.Dreams.

I've chosen not to do anything productive this hols. Just sitting at home and soaking in the love of my loved ones, meeting up with those who's actually bothered about my existence and reading up on whatever that interest me. Deep down I know its the last true holidays I will have. If and only if all goes well, I'll be busy with interviews for pupilages, registration for dip. sing., getting thoroughly settled at home, home administration etc during the month before dip. sing. starts. When school starts, the rat race begins all over again. This time, there would be no end in sight.

We began studying kindergarden knowing that when we graduate, we're done with our paper chase, we've accomplished something. The race may be long, but we know we'll see the end. When the race begins all over again, this time, there really would be no end. Maybe when our body finally surrenders only then will we call it a day. Actually starting a career excites me; maybe if I can't excel in studying, I'll excel in work, but it also scared me; what if I don't excel in work either...

When I read through blogs and look at photos of what others have accomplished this summer, I can't help but wonder if I should have slogged harder for a more beautified CV rather than simply enjoy life now. I guess its too late to regret over what I had not done. I must say this hols have been a great one for me to recharge and turbo the final leg of my marathon. The idea of hard work now so that I can achieve all the material gains that stands so alluring at the end of just each obstacles are tempting to the soul. I've decided that all else can wait before I attained what I have set my eyes on.

2008-09-08T15:16:00.008Z

My World Revolves Around Yours.

I am beginning to wonder why those around me are claiming that they are becoming jaded in this world whilst I sat on my rocking blue filled-with-air plastic chair in the middle of a near empty living room pondering if there are such words as 'fangulars' amongst all others. If there is what does it mean, and if it doesn't what should it mean? I never truly understand what the jaded word means since it has been simply literal to me. I, on the other hand can't help thinking the happy then the sad; the rollercoaster of emotions can't help but take its toll on my tear glands.

Just thinking of how I'd call out 'Mummy' whilst looking for her at the back of the house where she'd usually be found simply for no particular reason at all. Maybe I just want to hear her voice as she usually will respond with a 'yes?' For no particular reason, I'd be laughing genuinely from within when I find her. Its like this child-like happiness when you finally found your victim in a game of hide-and-seek. This simplicity in life is something I yearn for yet society doesn't permit. I saddened.

As more thoughts stray to how my seniors are busy with their lives in NUS whilst I while away my last holidays... How I'd be like that in about a year's time and in no time plunging into the working world... Would I even have time to remain the child I always have been in mummy's eyes. I fear the stress takes a toll on relationships. Time spent with each other lessens. As it is now, the 'situation' is quite bad. We've only sat down for dinner together just on Saturday and that was it. The first since I came back and very likely the last for this year. How gloomy that sounds especially when we used to eat together every weekend in our younger days. I love the family dinner times even if it meant having less voice on the table. Soaking in simply being a part of something just gives one that quiver in one's back.

Like all these isn't enough, the cousin I've not seen for ages (9 years to be exact) dropped me a message on facebook. :)

There are just so many things I'd not be able to drop and leave, whether it is for the short term or the long. I've done so for 2 years and this is definitely going to be my last as I realised for the first time how true it is for people to actually reconsider not relocating because of their loved ones. Much as I hate to leave to study in the UK, my daddy surprises me with "I hate it when you have to leave me but for the sake of your future, I'd be thinking that this separation is short and you'll be back."

2008-09-04T05:47:00.004Z

Random Rattling

When there was debate in the news with regards to Singaporeans not returning their trays after finishing their food, I couldn't quite understand why there was this sudden need to become socially gracious. Its not that we've not been trained from young. In school we had to return our utensils to the appropriate pails placed either along the canteen or in front of the stalls, that was never much of a problem. BUT when placing these individuals into a food court or hawker, the same behaviour is not demonstrated.

I tried previously to be the socially gracious Singaporean but was met with disapproval. The cleaners on most occasions tell me to just leave it there first for reasons I refuse to delve further into. Over time I began to wonder if I'm really adding more work for the cleaners. Maybe the food courts and hawker should follow the lead in my University canteen. After you finish, you clear your trays into this trolley thing. The cleaner will just have to push it away to wash it. In the way, the tables don't get dirty, the cleaners don't have to walk table to table to clear up the mess, the cleaners would not be afraid of those returning their utensils actually dumping the remainders of the food together with their utensils into one bin which makes their job worse (think the trolleys they use now).

I don't know why I'm rattling like this about social graces. Maybe there's just this part of me that still hopes that Singapore would be the perfect place to live in...

2008-08-29T06:20:00.005Z

Beyond Words.

My brother's back after 21 long days in the jungles of Brunei in suffering and in pain. Seeing him at his belt, happy was the first word that came to my mind. My mom's was rather randomly: 'muscular'. When he came through the barricade I opened my mouth to say something but nothing could come out. I couldn't find my voice. I didn't know what to say cause I'm overwhelmed by the flood of emotions. I had seen some coming out with injuried hands, injuried feet, looking unhappy but my brother greeted us with smiles. He had gotten the badge he covet for! Congrats!!

"Suffering and pain are just memories." --ZH

2008-08-22T12:53:00.006Z

Mother's Greatness No Enough.

I went to watch Money No Enough II with my mom, my aunt and the old granny next door (my neighbour). Sitting as the youngest audience amongst the 12pm crowd of elderlies I probably couldn't understand the problems they are facing or will be facing hence finding what was portrayed in the film rather funny. The film neatly portrays the Singaporean mother-son problem, the husband-wife problem.

The Singaporean mother-son problem: the mother wants to help the son but she can't cause there's limitation to how much she can give; she is even willing to give up her "coffin money" and go out to beg yet sometimes she ends up being misunderstood. There's another problem of spreading sibling responsibility of taking care of the mother; moving the mother between the houses despite her disability. The last problem is that of sending the old lady into the old folks home.

The above problem do raises some worry for me. I wondered if the sons treated their mother that way because of the circumstances. The wealthier of the children would under influence of the spouse's not want to shoulder the burden of the expenses in getting a maid with nursing experience to care for the mother. The poorer wants to help but its beyond his ability. Having witnessed all these in real and in reel, I wonder which of the 3 siblings will I be?

The Singaporean husband-wife problem: the Chinese husband being chauvinistic will always find it difficult to show their appreciation by actions or words. Instead, screaming is the way to go. With this, I'm more adamant Singaporean guys are not the way to go. Hahahah..

This show is quite heartwarming and worth watching. You will understand why I titled this entry that when you've watched it all. Money no enough, our mother's greatness is really no enough too!! :)

2008-08-20T08:01:00.005Z

The fish in one self.

When I'm old, and if I'm married, I want to be the one who leaves this world first. Yes that's the fish in me. I've no idea why selfish is related to fish but I'd like to think that way. ;)

This idea came about cause I couldn't send Serena and will not be able to send Amy off for their exchange. This is topped up by the inability to have a complete "the gang" meeting this summer; Serena was in Thailand when we meet up for K, she had to leave early on Lou's birthday, she had to pluck her wisdom tooth on the day we decided to Zouk, Cher couldn't make it for the class gathering. I've still got a month left before I leave for the UK but everyone's leaving by next weekend for the US. :(

September is a month I'm so not looking forward to...

2008-08-17T05:17:00.009Z

If you dream as big as you can dream, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

The Olympics has been on the corner of everyone's mouth since the spectacular opening ceremony on the very significant day 080808. Telecasted the day after, this may be the reason for the rather poor display of this year's National Day parade. Even the weather wasn't being kind.

Today, I woke up only to miss the final showdown of Michael Phelps whose name I hope will ring for many more years to come in history books. True to his words, he bagged his 8th Olympic Golds along with 7 World Records. Yes 7 World Records. Despite this, all Singaporeans could talk about was the semi-final match the Singapore table tennis team played against South Korea and the finals to be played tonight against China. Even the English version of National Day Rally in an unprecedented move was postponed to tomorrow.

Maybe table tennis had never been my cup of tea whilst swimming was something I had wanted to embark on competitively but didn't have the chance because of the schools I went to. I was ready to give the final match a chance when I saw the headlines this morning but all these changed when I read what one of our paddlers said. This certain individual looks to be playing 2 sets out of 5 said after the match against Korea,"We fought today's contest as if it was the final. We won't win against China." This coming from someone who is years older than a young Michael Phelps, who obviously having been a sportsman longer than the latter, who obviously should know that psychology can make the difference in any matches. I am disgusted.

I had been readily accepting the fact that its difficult to born and breed Singaporean paddlers cause of our culture; certificate matters. I am glad they were ready to come and don our national colours. The seed of thoughts that they were simply here for the money can't help creeping into me. More thoughts about not willing to "betray" the place they were breed since that's where the games are held and the team they'll be playing against can't stop polluting my mind. Michael Phelps will be rewarded US$1 million (S$1.somthing million) for his 7 golds. The paddlers on the other hand will be rewarded S$1.5 million for just one gold medal. If you think its easier for Micheal Phelps to attain his 8 golds than for Singapore table tennis to win that one gold, think again! It took 36 years before Mark Spitz's record was broken. On top of that, Phelps' golds are all world records.

Phelps had said,"if you dream as big as you can dream, anything is possible." The American did it. Singapore does not lag behind the Americans in world standards in other arenas, so why in sports? I do not think its impossible for Singapore to gear for the gold. It now boils down to how much the Singaporeans want it. If they had not desired it as much as the rest of the citizens have whilst rooting for them, then it will indeed be very disappointing.

The only loss Phelps sustained all week was for words. I wonder if the Singaporean paddlers could do the same to Singaporeans.

2008-08-13T17:44:00.011Z

Do we only seek to treasure what we have when we have lost it?

Apparently that's the case for many of us. Having studied overseas, this sunk into me about 2 years ago. No matter how often we hear this, we come to realise this only when we experience it for ourselves. Why are we made this way may I ask? Answer me if you can.

A friend of mine was in a close brush with death. She realised this and sought to pass it on. I wonder how long this feeling will remain burning within her. I mean, time heals all wounds; with time, the trauma would be gone. Its like how when we were young, we used to feel or rather I'd feel remorseful don't know about you whenever I do not do well. I'll tell myself that I'll work harder the next year but the hard work never came.

Just too many happenings throw the already pessimistic me into deeper doldrums. I tried to organise a class reunion under the urgings of my friends. It has been negative responses thus far no matter how hard this certain individual helped with spreading the word. She wasn't one of those who actually urged for it to happen but she did help me loads. Thanks babe. It gets really depressing to be rejected for just a simple meal that helps to revive that class spirit we probably had years ago. Maybe its my bad sense of organisation, whatever it is, I am not ready to give up till that day itself. Right now, I can only pray that everyone change their routine plans just for this simple meal that might change your life. Amy suggested that had we titled the email funeral of XXX of XX more would have responded. I can't help but shudder at that thought.

I was actually very thankful I finally got a chance to send a letter which I thought I'd never have the chance to. I doubt he'll be reading this so I'll be kind of safe. Yep, I wrote a letter to my brother and it'll be given to him when he is midway through his jungle program (that I shall call since we're all layman here neways).

I always wondered to myself as to why we always leave the words of praises till the time we have to stand on the podium to give an eulogy for our loved ones. Why can't in our daily lives, we show our appreciation a little more than we do now? Maybe we should sit back and think back at the last time we greeted our parents good morning. Or maybe just calling "daddy, mummy" when they come home or "daddy, mummy I'm home" when you do. It just takes a smile to really brighten one's day. I wondered how many of you when reading this actually feel guilty. If you do, start now. Never leave it until its too late. If you have been doing it, keep it up. :)

My eyes glistened when I stared at the family photo taken when we were sending my brother off. I am not in UK but right here in Singapore sitting in the living room. For what I can't put a finger to. I only hope my friends out there or whoever reads this, don't leave all till you can only regret. Start appreciating your family more than you already have cause you only have one life.

2008-08-12T05:13:00.004Z

Another of those lazy days.

I've been busy. Yes literally busy for the past weeks. For the past day, I've been busy; busy doing nothing. There were all too many asking for my presence here its heart-warming. Thanks.

What have I been up to? Manchester, Old Trafford, a picnic at Victoria Park, Spain, lazing around Leicester with Penny and Cyprus before coming home. Back home, I've been simply soaking in the warmth of love. Occasionally, just occasionally, I bring my lazy self out of the house to meet with friends. Maybe I hadn't wanted to blog all that often anymore simply because I wanted time to come to a standstill. I really don't wanna grow up. I really don't want the awesome times to fade into memories. All these I just laid excuses over it; I'll blog about my experiences when I have time.

The months left are beginning to turn into weeks. In no time I will be returning to UK for the last time if I do not come back for the winter break. I'm still in a dilemma as to whether I should return for the winter break. *sigh* I don't want to regret not spending my last Christmas in UK, ok this sounds wrong, I mean my last uni life Christmas in UK or US with the gang. On the other hand, I don't want to regret missing my brother's commissioning parade. I'm also worrying about graduation. Whether I'll make it, whether I'll get a job, whether I'll be able to overcome what lies ahead in the future. All these coupled with the feelings of reluctance. I know I am going to miss UK loads. It is one place that holds a very significant piece of my life. 2 going on 3 fantastic years. Clique as this might sound yes how time flies.

Stop!

2008-07-15T03:58:00.003Z

ANY ONE KEEN ON GOING FOR A NAIL WORKSHOP WITH ME?????

2nd/3rd Aug
10-1/2-5 on either days
$38
you will learn mani, pedi techniques, nail art, how to keep your hands looking youthful, basic nail care tips. latest nail colour trends and colour selection techniques.

check out the durian article on sunday times life section for more details.

I'm really keen cause its kinda cheap since I think you can guess how expensive mani and pedi are these days!!! I really hope one of you will respond to my call. Deadline 27th July.

2008-07-12T05:02:00.012Z

Long Overdued -- Dedicated to JW

There were thoughts of closing this down, that's the precise reason why I haven't updated this place. I find that I'm beginning to have less and less time updating at all. On top of it all, I am just too lazy to take any pictures at all. Its kinda boring to upkeep this place without pictures; I'm sure you guys will find it a bore to read my rather 'extreme' views on anything at all. Plus I've been wondering how many of my friends actually do read my blog anymore...

Part II -- 2nd London Trip in a Week

You'd probably like to play a game of Guess Who before looking at the answers below. ;)

At Madam T's
Napoleon
Charlie's Angels -- Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, Drew Barrymore
Kiera Knightley and Orlando Bloom

Harry Potter and Cho Chang
Julia Roberts
MY IDOL -- Angelina Jolie
Jennifer Lopez

Jean Paul Gaultier, Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell
Nicole Kidman, Leonardo Dicaprio
Tom Cruise
Beckhams

Jennifer Aniston
Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock
Professor Xavier & Jean Grey
Penelope Cruz

My all time favourite -- Marilyn Monroe
Will Smith
Steven Spielberg
Superman

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Spiderman & Mary Jane
Help! I'm captured by the Hulk
Shrek. Eww!

Oprah Winfrey & Whoppi Goldberg
Jim Carrey
Nicholas Cage
Elvis Presley

Johnny Depp
Jose Mourinho
Tiger Woods
Jonah Lomu (At least I suspect its him, though I feel its doesn't really look like him at first glance. I didn't check out the name though.)

Lance Armstrong
Boris Becker
Olympian Ning Loy
Queen Elizabeth I & King Henry VIII

Queen Victoria
Queen Elizabeth, The Queen Mother
Queen Elizabeth II & Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
Prince William, Prince Charles, Duchess of Cornwell, Prince Harry

Einstein
Newton
Darwin

Van Gogh
Picasso (They share the same birthday)
Shakesphere
Pavarotti

Beatles
Britney
Beyonce
Timberlake

Kylie Minogue
Christina Aguilera
Winston Churchill
Bhutto

Richard Nixon & I are 9th Jan babies
George Washington
Nelson Mendela
Margaret Thatcher & Ronald Reegan

Martin Luther King
With a statue of Sherlock Holmes

2008-06-19T23:56:00.008Z

Dedicated To My Life Idol

I chose this picture cause I thought its the best and most recent we've taken together. I really really like this...

The school year has come to another full stop in the UK for me. It really felt like yesterday when I just met you but in reality and in a wink of the eye, we've known each other for 2 years and housemates for one. I regret not spending more time getting to know you better as I had wished to given the hectic second year schedule for the both of us despite staying next to each other. In fact I feel more guilty for taking you for granted. I know that you'll really be there when I needed you ever. Your subtle care for me and all others have made me heaved a heavy sigh with the thought that if we ever go back into time, I'd find time to appreciate more than I already have.

Everyone admires someone probably a singer or an actor, I have as my 'idol' this person I first saw in the papers for her courage to take the route less taken and eventually achieving so much -- fulfilling the dreams that I will never have a chance to fulfill as a doctor. Because of her, I had learnt so much about life one way or another. I'm probably not one who expresses my feelings out loud for anyone at all hence this blog entry. I do know that she reads but I'm not sure when. I can't help but tear when I think of how this might be the last time we could be doing certain things together. We're both in our crucial next year. The school schedule will nevertheless be more hectic than ever. I liked the times we spent together and I sincerely thank you for making me grow into a better individual. Thank you for sharing some parts of your life with me and being the colour of my life in the colourless UK. :)

Penny, I lurp you!

*hugs*

2008-06-12T20:07:00.004Z

¡Hola Barcelona!

Hola! I´m in Spain guys and once again, I´m going through the trouble of having to figure out how to work this damn keyboard without stressing me out!!!!! You know the usual time is ticking, the damn keyboard is not US friendly etc...

Yea. So far its been Day 2 in Barcelona. I´ve been to Sagrada Familia, La Pendrera, watched a Flamingo dance (about 20 minutes ago) and a lot of others. I really liked the work by Gaudi. The pictures taken will be testiment to it. The rest... Hmmm.. Maybe its because I had expected it or rather imagined it to be too fantastic a place that I´m somewhat disappointed.

Its exactly 2 weeks to going home and to be honest, I wished I had made my way home earlier but I must say this trip had made me learn a lot more about the world, about the country´s culture, about people, like all other trips so I don´t think I´ll regret ever in the times to come. Maybe with the exception of not being able to attend the birthdays of 2 of my really dear friends, C and A. (I think you guys know who you are) :(

Ok gotta go cause the time is running out. Hasta la luego!!

2008-06-07T15:13:00.027Z

The 2nd London Trip in a Week

The day after I wrote the previous London trip entry, which was obviously delayed, I headed down to London again. Yes for the 2nd time this week. I'm beginning to love London a whole lot more, which is highly likely since I've always had this city trait in me, and hold views of my own. Before I came, I was influenced by those around me who either didn't like it for the gloomy weather which was a fact or those who hear-say that it's gloomy. With summer looming, London has captivated my heart. Truly, madly, deeply. This time, I went for the Changing of Guards at the Buckingham Palace, Madam Tussards and 221B Baker Street. Don't know what's the significance of this place? You'll find out soon enough!

(Top) Outside the Buckingham Palace where thousands from all over the world await the Changing of Guards.

(Bottom) Here they come...

(Bottom left) The Royal Malay Regiment came, probably as part of their 'exchange programme' hence today's Changing of Guard was a grander affair than usual.

Hence the band's performance. (Bottom right)

In front of Westminister Abbey where the Da Vinci Code was filmed

One of my favourite characters during childhood besides Nancy Drew. For those who can't tell, this is Sherlock Holmes statute I'm standing next to and am on the way to 221B Baker Street, his fictional home. He is so popular a character of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books that he has been non-fictionalised.

(Top) Some display in the souvenir shop of 221B Baker Street

(Bottom Left) OMG! Its real and playing...

(Bottom Right) I'm ready to find out more about Sherlock Holmes and his partner Dr. Watson, are you?

Up the stairs...

Sherlock Holmes bedroom

Sherlock Holmes suitcase

A cabinet in his room

Some kids actually wrote letters to Mr. Holmes to ask for his help...

The sitting room

No idea why there's this study table look-alike in the sitting room but these are some things you'd have read about Mr. Holmes using in the books.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. ;)

(Top right) Sherlock Holmes study

See if you recognise any of the above?

2008-06-04T23:14:00.004Z

Up the London Eye for the 2nd Time!

To Leng: I was kinda taken aback by your question cause the most natural answer would be to welcome it and be happy. Knowing my brother, I'm sure I'll be able to trust him with the right choice. So of course I'll be happy and welcome it cause it just shows that my brother has grown up. My feelings will be just like how a parent will feel when you see your kid growing up. Yep. :)

This time in the day! You might think me crazy but I thought its worth it cause its 2 different times of the day. The last time it was at night. I personally feel that the view will be different. Plus how often to you get such superb view of London under you at different times of the day in addition to getting someone who's willing to go up with you?

The queue was long. Us whilst queuing. :)

LC and I on the London Eye!

The different views of London; River Thames, Big Ben and the Parliment House.

Me and the awesome view.

More of London. I for the first time and after a long time, finally see its beauty. Pictures like always ain't able to justify its magnificence.

Trying to make our trip up value for money by taking as many pictures at different angles to prove that we've been there and done that... :)

(Top) The ride is fantastic. I think this time I curbed my fear of heights.
(Bottom left) Man playing the bagpipe by the River Thames.
(Bottom right) Laicheng is graduating this year. I hope this photo brings good memories of the time spent in UK. :)

2008-06-04T20:34:00.011Z

Vienna

(Top left) Our hostel -- Wombat. Excellent. Should always get a place at Wombat Berlin, Munich or Vienna. :)
On our way out to hunt for dinner on our first night in Vienna. The snow is very attractive.

At a restaurant near our hostel. It was rated quite highly for its food and probably for its name too. Mozart's Restaurant. (I can't really remember, I need to check the map for the exact name.) We are finally having Viennese food. :)
Soup.
Our main course.
In the warmth, the food is soothing to our hungry stomach.

Kunsthistorisches Muesuem.
Maria-Theresien Platz.
Hofburg Palace entrance.
Within the palace grounds.

(Top) Deeper into the grounds. What you see are the windows to the rooms that now displays the 'remains' of the study, the bedroom, the conference room of the Hofburg Royal Family.
(Bottom) Their utensils. Opulence. I am very impressed with the grandeur even in the culteries the Royalty used.

(Top) Table setting. For display or candle holding.
(Bottom left) This is a gift from the Queen of England to the Hofburg Family. Its so fragile it can only be put on display. Moving it will cause cracks much less use it.

(Top) I managed to sneak a picture of the meeting room of the King.
(Bottom) I also managed to sneak a picture of the toilet of His Majesty.

(Left) My awesome cappucino and cake at the Palmenhaus (Glass house).
(Right) Jul's hot chocolate and apple struddel.

(Top) Awesome architecture of the place too!
(Bottom) Outside a statue of Mozart; this is the place where his music spread far and wide, where musicians come to become the best.

(Top left) The tram.
The Parliment.

More of the Parliment

Cam-whoring.

(Top right) I think this is the City Hall.
(Bottom left) The State Opera House. The interior you can see later. Its really a state of art building not to be missed in Vienna. For those who have been students of music, you'll not regret the time spent trying to understand it. In fact you'll vibes of proud-ness ohsing out of you. Music has flourished into greater beauty than you can ever imagine in Vienna.

(Top right) One of those places that make use of Mozart as a selling point for their chocolates.
(Bottom left) This photo just doesn't do justice to its magnificence. When Juls and I turned the corner and into the platz before Stephansdom, our jaws dropped. Another not to be missed.

A 5* toilet
Our dinner before we head for a Mozart-Strauss concert. Cause we spent loads on the ticket, this is our 'pathetic' dinner. ;)
(Bottom right) You can't miss this whilst walking anywhere in Austria. I wish I'll get to ride in that white one into the halls of my wedding grounds. I should really stop dreaming cause I'm no Cinderella. LOL.

Grounds of Austria's Summer Palace. The Hofburg Family's Summer Palace.

(Bottom) Our cost a bomb concert. The money was indeed worth that experience cause even SSO is not comparable. This I'm sure is especially for Juls who completed every single grade that a pianist in Singapore can be graded. Its so of high quality.

Zentralfriedhof: where Beethoven, Schubert and Strauss (the few famous music composers) are buried. An interesting fact I found out was that Schubert had requested to be buried next to Beethoven, his idol.
Juls paying her respect to the man whom she idolises the most in the classical music world.

Zentralfriedhof: where 2.5 million Austrians laid.

(All with the exception of the bottom right) Where the brave who fought the Nazis laid.
(Bottom right) The death are categorised according to their profession and glorified.

Juls trying out the sample they gave.
At the kitchen where we are attending the Apple Struddel show; the class which taught us how to make Viennese Apple Struddel.
The Paranoma Tower of the Summer Palace.
That's how high we are. In the backdrop is the Summer Palace.

Cam-whoring at the Paranoma Tower.

More...

By the way, the apples were so huge and juicy that we decided to have breakfast the next day just to get it... But we forgot! Lol.

Inside the State Opera House. We paid 10 Euros (I can't remember if that's the cost. Correct me Juls.) to get a standing space and to have a view of the inside. (You can't go in without a ticket)

Daytrip out to some place the name I can't remember. We had the view of the Danube though. Think Blue Danube, Johann Strauss II.

Inside Stephansdom
(Bottom right) I managed to get this boy to break dance and eventually lead to 'bringing' a crowd with me to watch him. Don't ask me how and why. That's Juls' belief.

(Bottom) This is how we ended our trip in Vienna. In front of a very small ferris wheel which had been intended to imitate the London Eye without much success.

Juls. I had a wonderful trip with you. I only hope to have a chance to go on a trip with you again. You've been an excellent travel partner I can't ask for more. I am glad to have the opportunity to get to know you better during this trip. I hope your dreams will come true. Thank you for the wonderful memories which I'll treasure hun...

2008-05-30T00:38:00.007Z

The Long Overdued Salzburg Part II

Snow I shan say more...

At Mozart's Birthplace and also the place where he composed his first piece when he was 4.

In front of which I met Jean!

Mozarts Wohnhaus: At Mozart's 2nd Home in which he moved in at 17 in 1773.

Petersfriedhof: The cemetry where Mozart's Sister was buried. Just came across it randomly and only found out how great the significance of this place is after leaving the place.

On our way up to the fortress

Juls and her food...

Where Juliana lost Lucy (one side of her yellow gloves or was it black) as a result of the Billy (the abandoned bicycle in the picture)

The one bear I so wanna own from here; just one -- a steiff bear.

Last picture is the picture of our 8 bedder hostel. Got to know 2 Americans, one a student on exchange in Spain, another an Opaire, 1 from Hong Kong on exchange in Denmark and 1 from Korean studying in UK. They're all there to travel alone except Juls and I.

2008-05-26T04:36:00.002Z

Just when I thought there's no hope. That you'll not be here to cheer me up online anymore. You appeared.

2008-05-26T02:45:00.002Z

Tears don't come no more.

I think I just hit the record high for the buckets of tears I cried just this year alone. This year, the tears I shed is kind of equivalent to the amount I shed over the last 20 years. I'm not proud to proclaim this cause I never believed that crying could solve any problems. In fact in cases when my parents are around, it only aggravates the problem; they hate anyone who cries. I learnt to suppress as much as I can. Today, I broke the rule again.

Law school whereever in this world, as long as it bares the name of law school, its draining to be a part of it. No matter how long you prepared for the exam, you'll never be prepared to sit fo the exam. I'm stressed. So is everyone else. You should look at the appearances of those entering the exam hall.

The nightmares of the past never fails to follow me whereever I go. Maybe its having to be born the eldest. Expectations of you as the eldest is often the greatest. Fortunately or unfortunately (where most of you might think the case) for me, my parents do place greatest expectation of me despite being female. They forked money for me to study in UK when their friends think its a waste of money since I'll be married 'out' of the family. Such thoughts still exist in modern society unfortunately.

My heart was heavy with stress. I've worked so hard but am afraid that I'll not perform. My mom called repeatedly to check after 'that' incident. After suppressing for the next few calls, I couldn't take it and finally broke down a day after the incident. No tears came. I've either dried them up and going blind, or that the heart is so sad that tears could not flow.

2008-05-21T23:02:00.003Z

Bahgah!

I wished bad news don't come in groups. :(

2008-05-20T23:44:00.005Z

Back to being the 6 year old.

The great fortune teller of Thailand predicted that there was going to be a huge disaster that will take away lives this year; 2008. It seems that the disaster has descended upon the world with yet another number, 512, to remind us that life is precious, that we should treasure every minute we have with our loved ones. Daddy, Mummy, Zhi Hao, Zhi Quan, I love you.

Being under the pile of books has failed to make me notice the surroundings. I apologise for being guilty of neglecting the world news for the sake of the exams. My source to the outside world; home pages links: New York Times, BBC News, The Financial Times. Nothing that will give hint of the impact of such a huge disaster. New York is still in the baptism of the fight between Obama and Clinton which I had toned down on my followings due to the exams. BBC was there for me to keep up to any new legislations up the Labour's socks for the benefit of my course. As usual, the UK seems isolated from the world's problems. FT, need I say more?

In contrast, in Singapore, I'd have my beloved Straits Times in my hands. My parents would never fail to discuss the top of the day news. Readings pages after pages, watching news broadcastings after broadcastings, the impact would definitely be different; the sole link: China Earthquake tolls reaches 40 000 hidden at some corner of the BBC.

Its another of those days when I teared thinking of the days when I penned 'My Ambition'. Its another of those days when I wished I had the chance to pursue medicine instead of law. Its another of those days when I blamed myself for not working hard to pursue what I held so dearly for years -- working for Doctors Without Borders or for the UNICEF. My parents never approved of my ambition, not making the grades gave them reasons to have their way. Right now, I wished there was something I could do besides given condolences, 3 minute silence showing respect and adding those suffering in pray.

I really hope God is somewhere out there relieving the pain of those people who experienced the quake in Chengdu, China. Even though I have never been through something like that (touch wood), surprisingly, I can understand the pain they are suffering. Helpless, I can only pray for a miracle to happen. Jia you!

2008-05-17T02:58:00.003Z

Singapore can never beat Hong Kong!

Hong Kong's drama serials are becoming better. Singapore's drama serials are becoming worse. I probably already commented about the horrible dress sense the actors have -- could be the weird sense of the up and coming make-up artiste. Next up, the epsiodes are characterised by long periods of 'silence'; music but no conversation between the actors. What is all this about man? 3rdly, the drama serials never fail to focus on family; quabbles, reunite and Geylang! Most recently, the shows have weird characters who keeps one guessing. Its alright if that's the case, but the outcome has always been within my means of expectation, so why bother keeping viewers 'in suspense'?

Gosh. 2 days to exams!!

2008-05-11T23:21:00.015Z

MUMMY I LOVE YOU!

This is the nicest picture of my mummy taken with me. I look hideous here but she's all that matters.

I was watching this variety show on 'what does university students have to say' themed mother's day. I don't know why silently, tears start to well when I heard all their comments on their mothers. The groans, the happiness shared, when was the last time they told their mothers they love them, the gifts they have prepared... Maybe its because the thought of not calling her to wish her Happy Mother's Day did crossed my mind, I thought she didn't mind. I'm glad I did call her in the end. Maybe its because I do miss her after all, especially during this stressful period of time.

I thought of sharing some snippets of this show with you. This guy wanted to give his mother a roll of string. It 'personifies' him as a kite. No matter how far he has flown away, a slight tug from his mother will lead him home. This other girl decided to cook for her mother. She reminded of the first time I cooked mee suan (longevity noodles) for her. Boy she was happy!

The saddest time - I don't remember anytime she made me upset. (Ok I know this sounds rather odd, very arrogant but you know what I mean...)

The angriest time - I don't remember anytime she made me angry either. Maybe I really simply don't remember the unhappy stuffs. Ok, maybe the times when I helped clean the house at least weekly, after which I'll complain to her when someone messes the place up and she'll just tell me to just leave the house in the mess and do nothing.

The happiest time(s) - She got me to stand on one side of the NTUC trolley whilst she pushed me around really fast in the carpark (with the foodstuffs in the trolley). She taught me to ride the bicycle, to swim, to be the girl I'm supposed to (I was a tom-boy)

The most memorable time(s) - I was in Primary 2 then, she was sick, I helped her do the dishes and put my brothers to bed but ended up being bullied by my brothers. I was really upset but my mummy found out then she hugged me for helping her, saying she knows. She teared when I got her a mango cake for her birthday. Our favorite. She thought no one remembered. That birthday only 2 of us celebrated.

The gift I want to give her - I just want her to be really proud of me and to make her happy for the rest of her life. She never wanted or liked anything I got her; any lame stuff (or so she claims).

The one thing I wanna do when I step out of the arrival gates - Hug her real tight.

The liner that I wanna say to her - Mummy I love you.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MUMMY!

I'm pretty amazed at how I could come up with ideas for her birthdays, Mother's days for the past years.. I think I'm beginning to run out of ideas.. Help!!

P.S. I apologise for any grammatical errors. Not exactly in the mood for spotting mistakes and seeking perfection.

2008-05-10T21:52:00.004Z

15 Degrees and Rising...

8 days to the exams and I've yet to touch Competition and memorise anything. I just can't sit down and focus. The weather is driving me crazy! Its 15 degrees and rising!!!!

I've been donning the thinnest shorts I can find. I can't even wear the denim or khaki onces anymore. It had to be 100% cotton all the way. Sleeveless tops are all I can tolerate next to being in the buff. I can't even wear tees anymore. Like all these ain't enough, my hair is at its longest, thickest and heaviest. I appreciate them during winter but now, I'm so tempted to go crew. Seriously!

You know how I can only feel comfortable in class with the air-conditioning blasted directly at me when the rest of the class, even guys, shiver their ass off. LT3, the place where everyone will suffer a cold if they forget their jackets, was my favourite lecture threatre. This is really amazing especially when I never slept in air-conditioning in my entire life minus those days in the hospital. Yep.

What's wrong with my body, I don't know. I'm feeling hot and I need the air-condition RIGHT NOW! Omg!! *fan oneself*

2008-05-05T22:14:00.010Z

Revolting

I wanted to title this entry 'disgusting' then I realised that I have titled an entry that. I guess I find many things falling into that 'genre' this year. Or that I'm particularly anal this year. Whatever.

I'm particularly disgusted with this particular bunch of people. If you know me well, you know that its something from really long ago: the sticky, the non-independent people, particularly those from the stronger sex. I don't like the idea of people sticking to me. I cannot understand why they are like that despite the fact that I do understand that not everyone is the same; maybe I just find it hard to accept it.

Actually, I think I'm fine with those sticky and non-independent people as long as they don't stick to me if you know what I mean. I am more forgiving if you are of the weaker gender. I hadn't always been more forgiving of the group of sticky and non-independent from the weaker sex because I've always been in an all girls school. We were all independent, some more than others. We fight it out for anything we want, positions in class, inter class, inter level. There was no room for development of this 'values'. Until in college when I got to know C. She had taken a step back and tried to be independent. Of course as a friend, I ought to take a step back too. I hope I hadn't disappoint her as much as I am really proud that she 'deleted' that trait I don't like.

Here I got to know this bunch: sticky, non-independent and guys at that. I can only apologise for not being able to accept that ever. Much a feminist I am; women should should work towards being stronger than they used to, that doesn't mean that I can accept men taking the role of the weaker sex. I still think that man should be the olden days macho. Protecting the weak, not shedding a tear, excellent in sports, smarter, technically -- men must be the men of the old days.

You might find me contridictory. My ideal world is such that men retain the dominant role in society but women shouldn't be as weak as they used to be. Not: women becoming stronger and taking over the dominant role of men in the society as I believe that God made us the weaker sex for a reason. He made us weaker; we don't have to be very weak if you know what I mean.

;)

2008-04-26T23:09:00.007Z

Hating Revolution

At times like this, these, whatever, I wondered why the Women's Revolution had to take place. The very significant event changed lives. Including mine.

Women never had a place in school.

Women never had to step out of the house.

Women only had to know her place to survive.

Women only had to do brainless stuffs like maintain the house.

The list is non-exhaustive.

For once, I wished I didn't have to study. Yes its a privilege that many never had in the generations before. My maternal grandmother never made it to school. My paternal grandmother's family was wealthier so she did go through primary school. Schooling or not, they both got married at 16. I wished for once, I'm enjoying the bliss of being married. Someone to care for your all. Someone's shoulder to lie on. I am tired of having to fight it out in this world. There'll be endless of 'wars' to fight in future I'm sure. Sometimes the thought of being the woman behind the successful man is very tempting. Cleaning the house, looking after the kids, cooking. Life must be relaxing. If I can find a man like my daddy.

If... I really should stop dreaming!

2008-04-26T17:45:00.039Z

Home Of The Sound Of Music...

SALZBURG

You're about to begin the Journey through Austria with Juls and Me... Yes.! I finally found time to blog about my trip to Austria. I want to share as much of my experience with Juls with you guys but there are just too many photos for me to upload individually hence this collage. Actually after looking at the pictures over and over, I feel that the photos really don't do justice to the magnificence of Austria, (I wanted to say during winter but wells, it really wasn't winter when we went, Easter was over) especially on those days when snow fell... Are you ready for the ride??

Juls and I decided to get a little pink book each to mark our very special year 2008. The year we both turn 21, the year we traveled together (the year she came on exchange)... Something we probably never expected when we watched the tree blossomed and 'withered' (rather the old leaves drop for new leaves to grow, can't think of a good word to replace it right now) during our walks back home as we shared Judith McNaught, Julie Garwood and everything else under the sun...

From top left, clockwise:

The train we boarded at Klagenfurt, really nice isn't it?

Introducing my travel partner Juls, Juliana for short. You'll see more of her coming... That's her after she had a sip of the water which tasted sparkling instead of still. Are all waters in Austria sparkling?

I was tired having spent the whole night traveling to get to the airport. Plus, flying never fails to make me tired. Plus, I always sleep on anything moving these days.

More of these magnificence to come!

Hauptbahnhof!! We're in Salzburg!!!!!!

Our dinner for the first night!

Mexican restaurant - the only one we found open on Easter Sunday!

The streets... I'm beginning to love Austria!

We're joining The Sound of Music Tour! Yippee!!

Easter Monday. The roads are empty or is it always like this?

The train station where the real Von Trappe family fled from.

That tower with a red domed roof is where the scene of the kids going to look for Maria after she left them, was taken.

The Gazebo at the Palace of Hellbrunn where Liesl and Rolf sang "I am 16 going on 17" and Maria and the Baron sang "Something Good".

Certification that its the authentic Gazebo. Not opened to the public though because one old lady of 80 plus tried to jump between the benches like Liesl in the movie and ended up injuring her hips and of course this went to court... The rest as you know is history!

With our Sound of Music Tour Guide

The back of this house was used for many scenes as the back of the house in the film. That's where the scene of the children falling into the river whilst boating, where... Ok this will take forever. If you've watched it, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, go watch it. Its an all time favourite. I don't know if I can say you have a deprived childhood if you haven't watched this cause I remember the first time I watch this was in primary 1, an after exam activity. Lol.

Awesome scenie view at the countryside of Mondsee

Town of Mondsee where I had my first taste of Austria's speciality - Apple Strudel in Vanilla Sauce. Superb I tell you!

The Collegiate Church of Mondsee - where scenes for the wedding of Maria and the Baron were filmed

Inside the Church - where Maria and Liesl walked down the aisle to meet the Baron on the staircase

Land of the 7 Dwarfs and us!
The Tree at Mirabel Garden, its many angles and angels!
Mirabel Garden

It started snowing when we came out of Nordsee, where we were having dinner. See the beauty of the shops-lined-street in the snow?

Juls' dinner

My dinner

In love with the snow...

2008-04-25T18:02:00.008Z

Flabbergasted!

My flatmate caught me in the kitchen and asked how's my studies was getting along. We discussed land for a while then he commented rather randomly "how is it that international students pay full school fees and yet they party all the time?" He added further that he is already feeling the pinch having to pay 1000 pounds for school fees. International students pay 8400. Every year, school fees increase by 200 pounds yet... Wells wells...

Another random thought of the day... Why are so many going for the dreams of shooting to fame as a singer (majority) or an actor (less)?? Its not an easy path to take and in reality, there's no way one's hardwork can pave the way for a no talent.

Don't know if its just me hallucinating or its indeed God's way of 'compensating' for my severe myopia by bestowing on me very sensitive sense of hearing and smell.

*sigh* Must be the exams...

2008-04-24T12:36:00.003Z

Random Thoughts.

I wonder if its just me or in consensus that the actors have bad dress sense in the Singapore dramas of late as a result of maybe a makeup artist strike?

I wanna leave Juls a message on facebook but I can't remember what after I'm logged on. Crap.! Oh I remember now after I typed this sentence!! Hurray!!

2008-04-22T18:15:00.004Z

LMAO!

The Hong Kong drama that I'm watching during my breaks now showcased Singapore. Just like how Singapore dramas filmed actors as businessman/woman going for overseas trip and in the process showcase Suzhou, Shanghai, Beijing; China. One flop though: they mentioned that because there's typhoon in Singapore so the airport closed. Erh.. Since when has the airport in Singapore closed as a result of typhoon.. Hahahahaahahahahahahaha..

2008-04-18T13:21:00.006Z

Defining Black And White.

If you were a police in an operation to rid this gang that has been dealing with drugs. When you showed up to bust their operations, everyone tried to flee, there were shootings between the police and the gang (unbeknown to the police force [you], the drugs gang had guns which you only found out at the scene of the crime). You managed to give chase to this particular person whom you eventually cornered. The guy pleaded with you saying that he was there to look for a friend whilst reaching into his pocket. Will you shoot?

When I saw this scene myself, I was wondering if I'd shoot if I were the police. The guy maybe telling the truth and reaching for something important in such a scenario, or he was really one of them and actually reaching for a gun. If he was telling the truth and you shot, you'll kill someone innocent. If he was lying and you didn't shoot, you'll be the one dead.

Apparently, this scene that I was watching showed the police making the decision of shooting. He killed an innocent man cause the man was reaching for an inhaler. In the end he gave up being a police as he wasn't able to forgive himself for such a mistake. Well he claimed he chose to shoot cause the guy looked like one of those gangsters, complete with dyed hair, tattoos and piercings.

I do not feel that its a mistake at all that the police made. I'll do the same. Shoot. The guy had escaped from the scene of crime. As a human, I'll naturally judge like what the police in the show did - my the book's cover which may be a wrong move. Certainly, it will tear one's conscience if one kills an innocent.

Will you put 10 in prison just so that the guilty one will be caught, or will you set 10 free just so that the 9 innocents will walk free?

2008-04-11T20:45:00.013Z

Antibodies vs. Virus, Mummy's Cooking vs. Mine

I don't know if its cause in a hurry to go back to my books, my food wasn't properly cooked as a consequence or the improper meals and sleep time had resulted in a bloated stomach. Either way, my stomach hasn't been in the usual comfort zone it is in, something I hated cause I love eating and on occasions like these, food in the stomach equals protest.

Its not that kind of stomach pain that makes one rush to the toilet all that often. In fact if mine is such a case, I'd have been happier. At least I know that once nature's call is over with, my discomfort will go away. I'm not yelping in pain right now, maybe because I have a very high level of tolerance for pain, but it has hindered me from my study plans. I decided that after this entry, I'll turn in early; it'll be one. I'm scared to go to sleep though. It reminded me of the times when I go to sleep with a stomach in this condition, I ended up staying up the whole night. When I was younger, my antibodies were weaker, so I ended up in the hospital. I remembered being wheeled on a bed into the wards with a doctor and nurses and my dad around me. I still remember what the doctor told me, "you just have to deal with the pain, I don't have medicine for you." That was really odd for a young me, even me now. Heck. I hope nothing happens tonight.

It is at times like these that I wish my parents were around to make sure I ate well, slept enough. Sound like a kid hur, well, I never wanna grow up really. Those naggings maybe a nuisance when you hear it all to often. Wells, people. Unexplanable. I do understand where they were coming from by not allowing me to go return home every Easter break. In fact to make me feel better, they sent me local produces. Snacks, those instant stuffs which I can prepare without spending too much time.

I dare not claim myself a gourmet, but you really should see what I have at home; food is comparable to those sold outside if not better such that my family haven't eaten out for ages. Maybe as a result, my taste buds are a teeny-weeny bit sensitive and variety has become a must. Heh.. Maybe I should post some pictures of those stuffs I have at home to prove my point...

All purely homemade!

2008-04-09T20:09:00.008Z

Fury Beyond Word.

Anger was lying in wait for some prey in the woods to fall foul. Blood pressure had arise, heart activity accelerated, the result of lack of sleep, a consequent of stress over the upcoming exams; being peeved at oneself for one's level of productivity today in addition to the irritation that the printer has brought. The printer had not been obedient and the site that requires one to pay for the CD Rom for software and driver cannot register my credit card. I'm not patient especially when its not a problem. Why its not a problem, I'll explain later. So, anything was enough to wake the sleeping dragon, the dormant volcano, anything!

My printer hasn't been able to work for ages. I only got down to settling this today. HP has this website that checks if the software one has uploaded is damaged. Checked.

Since things like that are not 100 percent trustworthy as with anything else really, I decided to get it re-installed. I'm on a Vista, my printer is Vista compatible but because I got my printer before Vista came out, they didn't provide me with a Vista compatible CD Rom. The site that seeks payment can't registered my credit card. An invalid credit card number upon tries after tries. Well done! Maybe its fated that this is not the problem.

I spent another hour or so surfing and eventually found this link to re-install without the CD Rom. Excellent. Everything was going well but my computer can't seemed to register my printer. It boils down to one: the usb port has gone goondu or two: the usb cable has gone goondu. As with all electronic stuffs, trial and errors are required. I tried the ports with my harddisc, my mouse... Working. It has to be the wire but to find out, one needs a working order wire. That's when trouble came knocking on anger's door.

B refused to lend saying its not the usb cable's problem for sure. B is an engineer for that matter. Added some stuffs in between which takes ages to tell, I was angry maxed. (Ok, I'm not going to defend myself by spilling the beans on the added stuffs in between. I don't really care if you think I'm a b**** for getting pissed at someone who wasn't nice enough to lend me what I wanted.) Wells, in the end I found out that I was right after I borrowed the wire from someone else. My anger simmered cause

I solved a technical problem which this particular person said that only engineers could do.
It doesn't require much brains and being a female I solved it. What does this say? I am sure I'd have made a better one if I had my mind set on that profession.
I normally get over it when I've exploded.

This maybe able to explain why I'm very attracted to guys with brains all this while without fail especially guys who excel in the area of science.

2008-04-08T21:10:00.009Z

Stopping Before Gastrointestinal Bleeding.

Besides the books and being too caught up with this sexy babe, that hot hunk and nicely themed HK dramas which had dominated the goggle box in between, I realised that its been a long time since I last laid my eyes on anything from the silver screen. The honour of the first of 2008 goes to... "27 Dresses"

The reason is none other than the fact that the acidity of HK drama serials have taken a toll on my stomach after having ingurgitated 42 episodes in a day the day before. 27 dresses is finally showing in the theatres here but inflation, that's really the main reason, not forgetting the horrendous weather and the exams, had lead me to turn to a cheaper alternative. Those free online sites which allows those saintly people, bless their soul, to post links on them. We can then watch anything off the internet fuss free (don't have to download it and risk getting a virus) and totally feeding one's purpose of cheap entertainment. Yippee!

The show brought me at some point to the brink of tears but it also ignited the cynicism about marriage in me. I particularly like this, thought I really ought to joint this down somewhere:

"When the bride makes her grand entrance down the aisle, she willing enters into the last legal form of slavery."

How true!

My literary juices ain't exactly flowing that smoothly; grey matter or white matter which ever matter I can't remember anymore has clearly failed. It has been a pain to squeeze those few lines above out when day in day out one reads on facts, no feelings ever intended as in writing. Time to hit the books before I bore you with actions for damages against institutions under Article 288 EC, actions for damages against Member States under Article 226 EC and what not.

2008-04-02T12:40:00.018Z

The Best Is Yet To Be.

On this trip to Austria with Julianna, I talked a lot about my family. It seemed that as I narrate the tale of how each and everyone of my dear family impacted my life, I seemed to appreciate them a little more, understand them a little more than I previously did. It's like reading a book. Read it a second time and the perspective change from the first. A third will definitely defer from the first and the second. Its like how your essay content will differ should you be asked to write an essay titled "my family". I read somewhere that each year, the author will attempt to write an essay on "my family" without looking at the previously written ones, they differ. That's what I was trying to get at.

After the trip, I had a long conversation with my parents. About how my daddy started keeping late nights too! He stopped going to bed by 9 and waking up at 5 in the morning. Now he kept "regular" times. Sleeping at 11 and waking up at 7. Surprise surprise! The regular updates about news in Singapore (I never got down to subscribing Strait Times Online).

About how my mommy has stuck to her gym routine suddenly and hasn't stopped since. Surprise surprise!

About how my brother has been confined in camp since a week and a half ago beginning his officer training. Much to the protest of my daddy and him (according to my daddy) claiming that it was not his cup of tea after the first week of BMT, he had chosen the path of an officer. It jolted me of those memories when I became a prefect in primary school. I had thought all along that he had taken on that role because he wanted to follow in my footsteps. The timeline moved to those days when he became Vice-Captain of his division in Secondary 2 and eventually Vice-Captain of the team from Secondary 3 to Year 6. He surprised me when he announced that he wants to be an officer in the army. I never knew him for someone who works hard for leadership posts. If you know what I mean. Look at those people in secondary school who took the stage by storm to fight for votes to head the prefectorial board. Look at those who took the school by storm to fight for votes to be a part of the student council in JC. All those he was not, yet... I was kinda proud of his ambitions, putting myself in his shoes, I may simply choose to be a man. What made me prouder was the fact that he actually made it a point to call home every night during his days of confinement. According to my daddy, even if my mom told him not to call back that often cause there was nothing much to talk about, he'll keep the conversation going anyway. I'm beginning to see the true definition of family.

As for my other brother, much to my horror and disappointment, he started hanging out with bad company, the consequence of the "poor" results he received 2 months ago. Something I had hoped not to happen had. Apparently, he made it a point to go back to ACJC after school everyday just to hang out with those people, refusing my parents offer to pick him up after school. If not for ZH actually finding out from his friends about this and actually spending one day of his 10 day leave to talk to him, I wonder what the outcome will be. My parents would have still been kept in the dark about this. I am thankful that ZH still has an impact on him and that he had made an effort to show concern for our brother.

After the conversation, I packed up my room with sheer determination to begin my exam preparation when I came across this envelope tucked between some books just to make sure I'll never leave a crease on it. In the envelope was this card which used to hold a "The Best Is Yet To Be" woven bookmark which I now use as a bookmark for my organiser. In the card it says:

"Dear Jie,

Today is your 12 birthday.

Hope you'll enjoy the 1 year of P6.

Anyway, Happy Birthday!

From

Bro. Zhi Hao

Bro. Zhi Quan

'99"

The other side of the card reads:

"A forged signature of your favourite player by me! -> = Zhi Hao Ha! Ha!"

Of course there was this signature of 'David Beckham' and a drawing of his jersey.

One thing happened after another. The conversation on the trip, the recent conversation with my parents, the finding of my 12th birthday gift, they all lead to pieces of treasures memories trigggering the sensitive nerves of mine. How time flies. My brother had demonstrated that 12 years of being a True Blue had indeed mould him into a scholar, an officer and a gentleman. (Maybe that's why the other schools' boys hated ACS boys like crazy!) When he first entered the school, I wonder what the school motto "The Best Is Yet To Be" actually meant. Now I know. If I ever have kids, the boys have to go to ACS. ;)

Neways, keep it up bro! Jie is proud of you.!

2008-03-29T01:14:00.005Z

Last Day In Vienna.

In a few hours, I'll be catching the first train for Klagenfurt, where I'll be taking my flight back to the UK. (was rather tempted to type "taking my flight back home" instead) This marks the end of the 'fairytale' times spent in the shoes of the aristocratic in the Austrian society. I've been visiting many palaces, learnt many of the histories behind their existence and the people who went down into the history books, who lived with it.. I just might have an entry later sharing what I've learnt. Its the exams that gotta take priority hence this may NOT come true. :(

Neways, like Salzburg, I had a good time in Vienna, though I think I preferred Salzburg a lot more. Maybe the mountains, snow appeals to me more than what actually stood from centuries ago till today. I went for a Viennese Orchestra Concert one night, attended opera at the State Opera House another. It was indeed an experience for me, especially when I do have a little music background (I really don't have that much knowledge on music as most of the others out there). It reminded me of those times when I was part of a band, playing our instruments, practising hard, presenting the best to our audiences. I am quite thankful that I was made to pick up the piano and the french horn under unforeseen circumstances. It made me more appreciative of the Concert and the Opera.

I'm tired. Its about half 2 in the morning as I typed my last entry in Austria. I am reluctant to leave but like my daddy loves to say, "all good things must come to an end." I hope I'll be able to tread this road again in years to come...

I'll post the pictures when I get them from my travel partner, Juls. :)

To Juls, I just wanna say that I had a great time travelling with you. No regrets. You had been a fantastic travel partner and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I apologise for being a bitch at times either due to my PMS or my tiredness. It shouldn't have happened but it still did. I hope I hadn't marred the memories of this trip with me. :) Thank you for coming to immerse in the World of Music with me. Loves. xx

2008-03-23T23:21:00.004Z

Many Hellos From Salzburg Austria.

I technically don't have to learn any German to immerse into the culture here cause 50% of the people here are tourists. IMO. Whenever I ask for directions, half of those people we come across are tourists themselves.. Where have the locals gone?????

I'm in Salzburg now: Mozart's birthplace, where Sound of Music was filmed, where the Von Trap family apparently lived... Its beautiful and more beautiful; beyond words, such that I've decided to leave pictures to do the talking... NOT NOW OF COURSE! It snowed heavy today and I've met the most number of international people from all walks of life within the short span of what ?!?! 2 days? All I can say now is that my internet time is running out. I'll update proper when I get back.

So Long, Farewell...

2008-03-14T17:27:00.005Z

Already missing you... What become of me when I leave?

Its cloudy outside, signs of the pending rain. I just woke up at 4 in the afternoon. The holidays have officially started last night. I stayed up to finish the final 2 episodes of 最美丽的第七天. I had to. The ending was sad but a nice sad.

Sometimes I wondered why I didn't study to prepare myself for the media industry given how I like to analysis, interprete any advertisements, movies yada yada. What I meant is why they chose to film in this way, chose such an ending instead of another. On second thoughts, I can't imagine doing this for a job. Day in day out, just trying to find new ways to captivate the audience. So out of my capabilities -- I think I can get my arty farty days but not enough to have an arty farty job if you know what I mean. :)

Back to the purpose of this entry... I woke up to many loud knocks on my door. "Ning! Stop sleeping!" My flatmate Chirag shouted. He and James were standing outside my door, apparently, they were headed for home and wanted me to send them my type-written notes. I type my lectures yep. What an ironic start to the holidays -- reminder of the upcoming exams and the holidays are actually for us to prepare for it; another excuse for those holidays, for the lecturers to go on holidays.! :)

最熟悉的陌生人 played in the background. I couldn't help but feel that sense of reluctance that the second year is over. What's left are the exams which I wouldn't call school. Everyone will be busy, no time to hang out to chill and all... I can't imagine how I'd feel this time next year. Penny is right, I won't be saying that I can't wait to get out of here when next year comes. How ironic humans are yea? When I could come, I was excited. I transitted into a period of homesickness and regretting my move. I start to hate being here as a result. Then when the second year comes to close, I start to appreciate the surroundings. In the third year (this I imagine), I feel a sense of reluctance and regretting the those times I didn't treasure. I hate to go back. When I'm back in Singapore, I'll complain that UK is better.

Why must humans be like this? It is a way of making life more interesting? I am currently feeling the mood of reluctance. (ok besides reluctance, I can't think of any word better than this to describe my current feelings) It must be the music, the sky outside coupled with the knowledge of having to attend tonights plenty a "farewell" dinners. I can't help but tear. The memories here are everything but negative. I made friends many international ones at that; which I'd not have been able to had I studied in Singapore. I had my full freedom. I learnt to stand on my own 2 feet -- the hard way. Those days when we complaint about the freezing cold, running back shivering to our feet, those good weather days, cursing at the strong winds and rain... Om.. I'm really going to miss this place..

Actually, I already have...

2008-03-12T21:50:00.012Z

12th March 2008

In UK...

I'm addicted to this Hong Kong drama serial: 最美丽的第七天. Maybe cause it is real but not real. Real in the sense that it is definitely reflective of someone out there in this world. Reel in the sense that it is definitely not reflective of my life. Thankfully yet not thankfully. You'll understand if you watch it.

Its endless of tracking down some of my downloadable sources to keep myself up to date; i.e. around 7 in the evening, the new episode shown that day (in HK) will be uploaded. What peeved me is, the Cantonese version are not the ones upped but those with the Chinese voiceover. Yeeks!! First, I'm in love with Cantonese. Second, I'm not someone who watches voice over for convenience sake; I'd prefer to listen to the real voices of the actors - sounds more realistic. I'm actually a weirdo more often than not. Even Korean dramas, I'd be watching in Korean and reading the subtitles. :)

Another thing, I figured how to add the different languages on my toolbar so that when I want Chinese, a click of the button will allow me to type in han yu pin yin, or if I want Spanish, a click will do a similar job. :) So happy!!!

Over in Singapore...

I found an email from my cousin. In it, there's something about a certain Andrew (gosh! I didn't know I have a cousin by the name of Andrew but I think I can guess who; as in I don't know him by his English name) is getting married on the 29th March! Which is like what -- a few days away? Why can't I be there to attend it. I just love attending weddings. Urgh! I should have gone back in Easter instead of Christmas! TMD!!!

On this very same day, my parents went to Tekong to witness the Passing Out Parade. (I don't know if its the correct terminology, if it is... I still can't accept it, its just TOO weird!) Zhi Hao has completed BMT!! *sobs* Why can't I be there!?!?!?!?

This is my first time seeing my brother in uniform. (I left a day after he went into Tekong.) Not bad, I must say... :)

2008-03-12T03:33:00.004Z

True To My Words...

Times flies real fast after CNY. One of those times when you can't find an answer to "why?" I called my mom before I "am going" to bed (should be after this is posted alright...) to satisfy this nudging disturbance as a result of her offline msn message to me asking that I give her a call. We conversed on msn over web upon that call. It was just her wanting to see if I'm doing fine. :)

The conversation went from checking if I'm studying or rather how my studies went, whether I was taking my medication regularly, to her going to the gym more regularly with my dad now, to what I'd like her to send me cause the "supplies" are running out, to my youngest brother being settled in in ACS(International), to my cousin getting 4As at A levels and aiming to get into medicine, and finally to my brother... "We'll be going for the passing out parade later!"

The conversation was short cause it was half 1 in the morning and way beyond my sleeping time according to my parents. I kept later hours this year, but not to study. Screw me! Neways, because of the last statement they made, I went through my blog again only to realised that 2 months had gone by for both my brother and I. How fast.! If I were to go back for easter, I'll be returning what.. In a few days time? Maybe for me, I felt it pass really fast. For him on the other hand, he might have been trying to catch his breathe; squeezing university applications, local and overseas and attending church during the what seems like a really short weekend if he booked out on a Saturday afternoon. I never see him online anymore and if I do, he'll be keeping those ungodly hours to finish those stuffs I mentioned.

Neways, I look forward to my next conversation with my parents. I hope it'll not be brief this time around. I miss them.

Most importantly, I hope I'll buck up my socks, wake up my idea, whatever along those lines so that the next time I realise time flies, I know I had made every second worth my while...

2008-03-10T04:19:00.003Z

Just Like The Good Ole' Days.!

Hola! Que tal? Me llamo Ning. Tengo 21 anos. Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, seis, siete, ocho...

(some of these words in Spanish needs signs above it which I don't have on my computer so they are not that accurate)

Neways, after having procrastinated and seen a few of my friends who took the course with me drop out, in addition to seeing the class shrink from 20 plus last sem to just 4 of us this sem, its a miracle how I persevered on and continued with this really foreign language. Its really foreign cause every things deals with a 'he' and a 'she'. What I meant is, the kitchen is a 'she', the room is a 'he', the toilet is a 'he' etc. Its even more amazing that I actually did put in effort to revise for my Espanol exams; its tomorrow. psst. I actually stayed up to study when it is raining outside; the best conditions for me to hibernate.

I have no regrets learning this language knowing that I can put it to use when I go to Spain this summer. A pity though the practical use is temporal. The reason being, I don't foresee myself going to countries where this language is the main language, in the near future.

I don't really know the true reason for picking up this language really. Its not like I appreciated the culture like I do for Japanese and Korean at the beginning. Maybe its the thrill of being able to speak English, Chinese and Spanish. (Note: they are the in the order of most spoken languages in the world) French tied in 3rd place with Spanish; maybe its being in England where the Brits have a particular dislike for the French that I unconsciously have a dislike for it. Or its the knowledge that Spanish will come to more of use one day when I travel the South American and some African terrians. The more I learn, the more I grasp, the more I'm interested. Just like how English was for me. Though I never knew why Chinese just can't 'seep' into me.

I recalled the times when I had to learn the words with the pictures. Its back to those days for me. Learning the new vocabulary with pictures to aid memory. I remember having to spell the words correctly. It used to be a chore than. To ensure that I had a perfect 10 for spelling, I made my mom go through with me at least 3 times. Now, it seems like a glance or 2 at the words and I can remember. I never used to learn how to speak English, like I do for Spanish now. Whenever I'm on my way home from school or heading to town, I'll be describing what I see, or giving directions, which are some of the stuffs I've learnt. I enjoy it though but I guess I won't delve further into this until I am fluent in whatever I've learnt. At least I fulfilled one wish this year of picking up something new.

I did it!

2008-03-07T03:06:00.003Z

Graduation Trip To Japan Anyone?

Ok. I know this is lame. I am not even near graduation and I'm thinking of the trip. I've been watching all too many HK shows that revolved around Japan, Japanese food, bla blabla.. I am DYING to go there.. Yep, so I gotta book anyone early just in case. :)

2008-03-03T02:26:00.003Z

Will I Ever Be Like Her?

I came across this entry somewhere. From the happiness I felt initially, my heart actually did felt a stab of pain like this entry I was reading. I was told that I was overly sensitive to actually or rather literally experiencing the pain and happiness of those around me, even reading something can affect me. I do know that when people grow older, they become more jaded, more immune. I, on the other hand, become more expressively; the result of being too sheltered and when exposed to the 'elements' I start to become someone with 'feelings'.

X had just broke up with her other half. She had been a really strong girl; exceling in everything she did, all too much like me. She had given too much in the relationship I think, and in the end, she got really hurt. So hurt I can feel it from the entry. It just makes me more skeptical about being in a relationship. Yep. I hope time will heal this wound of hers..

2008-02-28T02:51:00.005Z

Sex & Politics.

After watching this video, it struck me as to what mature guys' world revolve around: SEX & POLITICS. I should be completing my tutorial, ok I've completed it; what is left is fine-tuning it, but I could not resist scolling down the list of people on my MSN and Under My Barack Obama caught my eye. Reason you probably already know, this elections seems really important to me cause it is, at least in my opinion, going to be historical; going down into our history textbooks...

As I was saying, mature guys' world revolve only around sex and politics. Sex goes unexplained. Politics, you might beg to differ, but I think otherwise. Politics is important for they determine the direction of the economy. Guys do keep close tabs of the economy for financial gains, either a raise in their annual income, bonuses, property prices, investments... Even health care. Seriously, everything and anything monetary has to do with politics. Right now I can't think of anything that is not. Do let me know if you can think of one... Ok. I shall leave you to enjoy!

2008-02-27T02:59:00.003Z

Surgeon is Accused of Hurrying Death of Patient - New York Times

Biggest Earthquake For Over Nearly 25 Years Hits England - BBC

Olympics Water Diversion Threatens Millions - Financial Times

Inflation Rises, House Prices Slump - New York Times

Singapore 2010: Youth Olympics - Channel News Asia

Marry Me - The Straits Times

Looking at the above headlines, it seems like 2008 has been plagued with all too many bad news yea? Take Care Everyone!!

2008-02-26T03:16:00.008Z

Criticisms.?

Are criticisms a form of showing that you care? Or are they a form of ridding one's pain-in-the-ass? I've been receiving loads these days. Both the former and the latter. The latter, I attribute to my laziness and the unpredictable weather. Partly to save for my trips too. I've been rejecting all too many dinners out, trips, you name it you see. The former is what I'm more concerned 'today'. I don't wanna use the word today but can't think of a better replacement at this moment in time given that its 4 in the morn'. This word gives one a sense of a today today kinda thing, I'm using the word more of its importance in what I have to say on this entry.

Neways, I've been receiving even more of the concern criticisms 'cc' for short which I find it rather annoying over time -- yes I do appreciate feedback. Those who know me, you know you can tell me the bad thing about me openly and I'll seek to improve. I believe that I've known to have taken some in and changed for the 'better'. Here, I'm talking about the 'cc' that comes from one individual and the constant harping on it by the very same individual. Maybe that amounts to nagging, I don't really know. My parents never nag at me for as far as I know. I was never really that much of a cause for worry except when I forget my medication. Nagging by someone a mere few years older than me and of not much relation do pisses me off. To top it up, I'm someone who acts on feelings and instincts, so if I 'fail to notice', it is very trivial stuffs. To nag on those... OMG! Give me a break!

Ok, even someone a month older should be given the due traditional chinese respect, I apologise if I sound like some crude uncultured individual in this whole entry but yea I have to admit that I've been schooled in English schools all my life, my mind functions according to westernisation. Even my parents adopt the western style of bringing us up. Its ok to 'talk back' as long as no shouting is involved and reason and logic stays in place. I was never caned except for that one significant time when I made a bloody careless mistake. (Will narrate this when I have the chance) Yes, there are scoldings though when things get out of hand; this is normally followed by a session of logic discussion as to why we are scolded and what we should do in future not to make the same mistake. My parents give us freedom without us screaming for them. They do read up on how to bring us up at the various stages of our lives. I can't be more thankful for that. That's why I can't accept the nagging by this individual.

Sometimes I wonder if it translates to being in love with someone so much that you care for that person so much which results in being overprotective. On the flip side of the coin, I do have very good friends whom I've yet to hear criticisms from. If the theory that you care equals you criticise, then does it mean that they don't care? Despite being someone who is able to accept criticisms, (yes I admit that it stings sometimes, but I never harbour anything else besides gratefulness to the person), I can't bring myself to let it known hence this nameless individual entry.

By the way, I'd like to know if anyone of you out there will accept someone whom you don't have feelings for but has shown you much kindness?

Listening to Jay Chou's no longer brings tears...

2008-02-17T13:05:00.005Z

The Drive Of Life

That's the English title to the Hong Kong drama serial that I spent every minute of breaktime available watching -- 歲月風雲. It talks about the struggles of 3 brothers; juggling between family and the success of their dreams: to produce a made-in-China car that will eventually run the roads all over the world, amidst enemies who go all out to disrupt their lives in everyway. The main guy reminded me of my dad. Loads. The show reflected my family to some extend. I wonder if I'll really be like the daughter of the family...

My parents FINALLY had time for me. I never felt happier being able to see their faces, to talk to them. Its really all I asked for. To hear that everyone is well, its coffee to a sleepy head, Vitamin C to a weak body, the motor to a car... They are my drive to life. :)

Many things happened in this short span of a week but I don't have the mood to write. I found a place to play piano though... It kinda made me cheer up and destress a little with the music produced by my own hands. Its been rusty; a long time. Instead of picking up guitar which I had planned (cost consuming), I should spend my free time brushing up on my pieces. Its been a long time. Those times were indeed worth relieving. I never had regrets picking up piano. I only regret not having the patience than to finish all the way to Grade 8 instead of 6 much to the dismay of my daddy.

Its really funny how my daddy insisted that I have to pick up something when I was young (I took my Grade 1 piano at KII so you can imagine...); either music or dance. Maybe its to up my culture credits from young which was something he couldn't or it was to show his 'wealth'. Mommy refused to let me learn dancing; ballet in particular cause it was too girly and one might end up walking with feet in the v constantly. She refused to let me learn violin cause it would cause my neck to swell and my ears to deafen over time so piano it is. :)

School is ending... That means exams are nearing... Its time I put my drive to test.

P.S. To the passerby, I don't know why you're asking this but yes I have to agree that there are no families that don't quarrel whether amongst siblings, parents or parent-child but thats the matter of other families which I can't care-less or can't be bothered to. As for my family, yes, they do quarrel, but our quarrels never last cause my daddy has drummed into us that we should always make things simple. How my dad handled each of us when we are angry, and I'm quite sure about this, cannot be found in any other dads or guys. My dad tries not to get angry cause he promised me; of course he'll try not to break his promise. As to how I managed to do it, its a family matter which if you're my close friend, you would have known. Yep. Guess that's all the explaining I can do given your identity.

2008-02-14T22:39:00.006Z

Do We Need Men?

No! (p)
Do we need men?
No! (mf)
Do we need men?
NO! (fff)

[for those not into music: p stands for piano, soft in layman terms; mf stands for mezzo-forte, moderately loud; fff stands for fortississimo, very very loud] (This reminds me, its been years since I touched the keys to the piano as opposed to the keys to my laptop. This also reminds me of the breaks spent in the dark in some theatre playing and teaching Jo how to play some Jap song the title I now can't recall whilst Mojo sits and appreciate. This reminds me of the time when I decided to pick up playing the piano again this time for leisure as opposed to spending the entire year playing 3 pieces over and over again in addition to the much hated scales. Right I shouldn't be digressing...)

Diana came up with that 'cheer' at Snappers as a result of sharing the outcome of her 'research'. She compared males to the fishes in the sea. A quarter consists of sea bass, a quarter sharks, a quarter goldfish (She thinks goldfishes live in the sea. Don't ask me!) and the last quarter dolphins which is what we deemed as eligible. She adds that half of the latter group is deficient so that leaves us with 1/8. She continues saying that of the 1/8, half is attached hence leaving us with 1/16. AND... not forgetting, this 1/16 is spread all over the whole. LOL. Exciting females I hang out with hur?

Its really funny how the girls that I chose to hang out with share this queer sentiment about us not needing men. I should correct that actually, rather how the girls I instinctly hang out with share this queer sentiment given that I in most occasions have only spoken with them for sentence or two before deciding to hang out with them. Its definitely instinct cause the 2 liners were the necessary vitamin C to one's instinct which eventually lead to the formation of an impression of an individual. I don't think a 2 liner can really give one much of an impression really. At least that's what I believed in 'its the first impression that counts'.

Sometimes I wonder if I am indeed a lesbian of any sort cause no men has yet to catch my eyes. Within seconds I retract this idea cause I never had a thing for looking at woman. Seriously. I guess I should attribute my 'problem' to the fact that I have too high an expectations then...

I always believed that to be together with someone, the 2 individuals have to complement each other before a relationship can work. One has to be weaker whilst the other stronger in an area, the other weaker whilst one stronger in another; opposites attract, just like magnets, so I simply cannot understand how some people can tell me that likes attract. Imagine the outcome when 2 headstrong individuals (similar individuals) disagree on something, each not giving in to another.

I've been shopping for a laptop and through this, I realised that there are many things females can do without relying on males. When it comes to looking at the technical specifications, I do not need a guy with me to give his input. I did my research, I did my math; I know how to compare. I thought with males around during the process, I'll be able to come to a conclusion fast but I was so wrong. I didn't even need one around to help me lug my new machinery back. A laptop is definitely lighter than the printer I lugged back with much difficulty cause I wanted to save on cab fare. :)

The only thing I know of that I've yet to be able to do and will need a man is to change the tyres of my car should anything happen. So do I need a man/men?

2008-02-13T01:00:00.010Z

Why Can't I Smell The Love In The Air?

"Ning, what date is it today?" Andria never fails to ask when the lecture starts. Today, its nothing of the extraordinary. I pondered for a while (because I'm not one who keeps track of dates to the disgust of my daddy; he thinks that it just shows that I haven't been studying, I can't really relate to that really) before replying 14th, its Valentine's Day today. I had stayed up pass 12 last night; saw a few msn nick that displays hints of this very significant day as well as received a few well wishes. I told myself to keep a look out for the happenings on this day at school but it completely slipped my mind until Andria's rather ordinary question for the day.

On my way back from school, my mind slipped back to that very night 2 years ago. Just to side track a bit, time sure flies yea? Its been 2 years since that night!! OMG! Neways, I remembered the sight of roses 'lying' dejectedly along Orchard Road looking pathetically expensive. It cost more than usual, I suppose, but it sure looked 'worse for wear' than usual. I remembered the sight of couples going to catch a movie, have a meal together, subconsciously, I compared it to here. Has Singapore commercialised this very sweet day just like how it had done for the other days? Buying gifts for someone during Christmas used to be just 'the thought that counts' in my opinion, now people are dishing all the expensive stuffs for others -- is it to show off their wealth? Does the value of the gift equal the amount of love bequeath onto someone? I saw someone delivering a bouquet of flowers to someone in my accommodation, that's all to the flowers I could see on Valentine's Day. Are Singaporeans seemingly more material? If so, why so?

I was about to end there when I got interrupted by a phone call related to this topic. The person on the line asked why I'm in such a pathetic state; staying in instead of going on a date on Valentine's Day. I think otherwise. Sitting in my room, listening to all those old songs my daddy used to play in the car or sing in the shower, I just called to say I love you, nothing's going to change my love for you just to name a few, I don't feel the least bit pathetic. I used to get a little excited, cause it'll be a girls night out for me whilst I was in Singapore. The first gift, a stuffed toy with my name imprinted on the toy in the puppy's mouth, I received on this day occurred about 6 years ago. Ever since then, every V Day is with you girls. This made you miss you all alot. I hope you are all fine.

My friend read my palm recently and told me that I'll only enter into a serious relationship in years to come. ;p Not that it bothered me as currently, I'm happy as it is focused on school. Nuff said. I shall dedicate this song by Jay Chou to all. Whether you're attached on not, what's most important is to lead the life of a rainbow. :)

彩虹

那裏有彩虹告訴我
能不能把願望還給我
為甚麼天這麼安靜
所有的雲都跑到我這裏

有沒有口罩一個給我
釋懷說太了多就成真不了
也許時間是一種解藥
也是我現在正服下的毒藥

看不見你的笑我怎麼睡的著
你的身影這麼近我卻抱不到
沒有地球太陽還是會繞
沒有理由我也能自己找

你要離開我知道很簡單
你說依賴是我們的阻礙
就算放開但能不能別沒收我的愛
當作我最後才明白

RAP:
看不見你的笑要我怎麼睡得著
你的聲音這麼輕我卻抱不到
沒有地球太陽開始環繞環繞
沒有理由我也能自己走掉
是我說了太多就承受不了
也許時間是一種解藥解藥
也是我選擇整瓶服下的毒藥

2008-02-10T19:39:00.000Z

A Blow Into My Brains Is What I Need Now.

I was happily looking forward to speaking to my dad without any worries about the phone bills (as usual) during this weekend but it was not to be. I came back, after a game of basketball and some time spent reminscing childhood times on the slide and swing which "threw" me damn high into the sky, to find a black screened laptop. CPU and all seemingly running perfectly. Just that the screen just failed on me. The worries that I "threw up" whilst being "thrown" damn high into the sky on the swing came following back. No more long talks with my daddy. Damn!

A call at half 7 cheered me up a little at the same time provided me with an opportunity to get my mind off my computer-failure-what-should-I-do mode. Going Italian with the rest of the Greeks - I can so imagine a crazy girls night out till late; filled with joys, laughters... By the time some of the more girly girls made up (past tense of make up, well I couldn't think of a more suited past tense whatsoever) we were on our way to dinner at 9. The Greek wine came, we toasted, Despo bent over to tell Andria that she was feeling dizzy, Andria translated what Despo was telling to her in English, we turned over to see Despo frozen in her chair with eyes wide open and moaning that she can't see. All that happened in a matter of seconds. Before I know it, I was shoved aside with Diana carrying Despo in her arms out of the restaurant; to a place where lights were brighter. She still couldn't see. I was at a lost. Greek was thrown around me. I didn't know what was going on, I didn't understand what was going on (there's a difference between the former and latter to me for the first time). The ambulance took its time to come, by the time the paramedics did, she was sipping water (cause she asked for it) and able to see but still feeling just as weak as when she blacked out. Being a "welfare state" (you don't have to pay to see a doctor or be admitted to the hospital for those who do not know the system here), the paramedics did checks on her before she was sent to the hospital for more thorough checks. The paramedics said she was not a serious case or she would have been in the hosptial 10 minutes ago. At times like this, I do appreciate how we get treated "with respect" in the hospitals in Singapore cause you foot your own medical bills. Of course there are downside to footing your own medical bills but... She got to the hospital in the end. You'll never guessed how long she waited to see a doctor and be admitted. F*cking 10 hours. Seriously disgusting! This is her second hospital stay in a week. The previous time, CT scans, X-rays, blood tests for diabetes testings, history checks for stroke, all the nonsensical -medical-terms-to-the-layman, showed that she was fine. I finally got out of the hospital at about 1 in the morning. By the time I waited for my dad to call (I informed him that I was uncontactable via the internet lest he worries so he said he'll call), it was 3 in the morning.

I wasn't looking forward to having to shop for a computer on Saturday in addition to the fact that Despo was in hospital but I went to both places. Sunday I decided to get the laptop I wanted the Sony CR21S/N or the iBook. Ok please give me your opinions.

iMac
+ Cheap - same price if not cheaper than the laptops that I'll be talking about below
+ Attractively appealing
+ Desktops are stable (relatively)
- I can't bring it to school
BUT I was thinking it will only be temporary as long as my current laptop gets repaired, which is highly possible

- What about my msn and microsoft words??

Sony CR21S/N
+ Laptop in a cool colour
+ I can bring it to school

+ Microsoft (something familiar)
- Doesn't have that big a screen; what do I do with 2 laptops when this one gets repaired?
- Not available in the colour I want
- Laptops are not stable

iBook
+ Smaller, portable for school
+ Readily available
- Doesn't have that big a screen, what do I do with 2 laptops when this one gets repaired?
- Expensive
- Laptops are unstable

- No Microsoft?

HELP!!!

2008-02-07T19:02:00.000Z

新年快乐!

The dinner turned out to be better than expected, except for a few 'glitches' with regards to the sitting arrangement and the food served which was solved amicably. :) Being one of the organisers, I had to constantly mingle with the 'guests' to make sure they're enjoying themselves; the food is to their liking, making sure that our foreign counterparts do not have difficulty helping themselves to the food (chinese restaurant serves chopsticks as utensils), going around being the camera-man, being the 'icon' for the event for reasons you'll know why when you see the photos. It was tiring. To top it up, it has been a long time since I wore killer heels for such a long period of time (never touched them when I was in town as far as I can remember). Despite being thoroughly exhausted, I am happy that the event was a success (simply by my instincts in addition to the positive feedback from some); the food was more than enough, 9 courses excluding soup and dessert, the food came fast, the performance seemed better than last year (the contortionist is chio'er)...

Another thing worth rejoicing about; I finally could contact my parents!!!! Gong Hei Fatt Choi!

The photos have yet to be uploaded. Stay 'tuned' if you're interested in seeing them.

2008-02-06T16:23:00.000Z

Surprises - Some Unwanted!

I love surprises; it brings a little excitement in one's otherwise rather mandane life, especially here. Today on the eve of Chinese New Year I got one. I know its coming, just that I was not expecting it to come on CNY's eve -- its the parcel that my mom said she will send; along with a set of new clothes, red packets to put under my pillow and some I-can't-do-without CNY goodies (Actually its mainly of pineapple tarts and kueh bulu, the rest if I have its a bonus, if I don't, I don't sob over it). This made me really excited. In addition to the fact that I knew I was going to finally have time to talk to my parents -- rather they have time to talk to me finally cause my brother emailed me to go online today to talk to them. So I did.

My brother was back from camp and he was online, so we connected for what seems like 5 mins, saying the hellos before my dad said he'll talk to me later cause they're going to have reunion dinner first. It was about half 7 Singapore time. I thought they'll call me back but I waited for hours and the call I wanted didn't come. I called. As usual, they told me that they're busy and will "talk to me tomorrow or when they're free." I can't say I'm not upset. I know I shouldn't be over just 'trivial' issues but seriously, I don't see any difference between me and an orphan at this moment in time. I do know that most of my friends here will communicate with at least one of their family members at least once a week, they can reach their parents to talk to them as and when they feel like. For those that can't, they can't be faulted cause they are working. I know what my parents can be up to and its impossble for them to claim they are busy at odd times when usually they should be asleep already. I've been here for a full 3 weeks. They only msn'ed once for a short time, twice if you count today. The rest of the time, I'll call only to crash into walls. Maybe they are really busy, but on CNY eve, its always been pure family time, so I really don't see why they can't talk to me. I'm very sick and tired of this.

My dad made my mom quit her job to take care of us just so that we'll have someone at home to spend quality time with us after school. I've heard of many stories about how both parents will be working, their kids neglected and often using money to make up for the lack of quality time spent with the kids. Doesn't it sound faintly familiar now? (Parcel = money spent to make up for the lack of quality time spent). Why is it only now that I'm overseas that I'm beginning to feel like those poor lost souls?

This has dampened my CNY mood somehow. If I can have a parcel or a regular call from them, I'll choose the latter... *sigh* I hope the dinner tonight make up for it.

2008-02-03T17:21:00.000Z

Busi-ness = Satisfaction

It seemed like a long time since I last blogged so I decided to leave something here before the coming week starts; before the hectic week starts. Its Chinese New Year! A Ball, reunion dinner, setting of fireworks... Plus school is finally starting in full swing; tutorials, seminars in addition to all those lectures.

I've been staying back in school to do some proper studying. I spend the rest of the time either catching up on my sleep or sleeping as a form of relaxation (don't know if that can ever be the case but yea). Nothing on 'tv' seems to interest me anymore. Besides the fact that I can't seemed to adjust any time for exercising in between due to the weather, I'm loving the way of life thus far. Also, I decided to cut down on 'consumption of food just to satisfy my mouth' so as not to put on weight. Looking at those photos taken during my winter break, I can't help but feel disgusted with myself. Its that unhealthy kinda fat showing. I'm not losing weight to remain slim, but I just simply can't afford to be fat, at least that's doctor's advice. So "not eating" is the solution, bearing in mind that my exercise regime just can't be as 'intensive' as when I was in Singapore.

As a result of all these busi-ness, I am not online often. Apologies. However, I'm still there if you guys need a listening ear, email me!

Amy, I'm rooting for you here. *hugs* Here's dedicating the song 'I'll be there for you' to you. :) Hope you feel loads better now.

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your jobs a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A.

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year
but..

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

You're still in bed at ten
And work began at eight
You've burned your breakfast
So far... things are goin' great

Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
Oh but she didn't tell you when the world has brought
You down to your knees that...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows
What it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst I'm best with you, yeah

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
And it hasn't been your day, your week, your month,
or even your year...

I'll be there for you
When the rain starts to pour
I'll be there for you
Like I've been there before
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
'Cuz you're there for me too...