The Last. Likely.
Since the last entry, so many things have happened. I've mugged for my exams, sat for my exams, hurried off to meet Chermaine for a whirlwind ride to Oslo, Stockholm and Warsaw, met Serena in Krakow to begin our "arduous" but absolutely, ridiculously funny journey to Budapest, Santorini, Mykonos, Athens, Istanbul, showed them my home of 3 years and Copenhagen, where I got news of my results and where Serena left us, Chermaine and I London-shopped, she left, I met Archie for a trip to Brussels and Amsterdam. Now I'm back, packing the remnants of all memories I left here over the years. The first and most shocking news was for a good friend not intending to attend graduation. One had left due to her inability to cope with stress and hence not sitting for the exams. Now this. Its awful. Atop it all, I've made up my mind to really pack up and leave this place behind for good just bringing the wonderful memories in those boxes I am shipping to Singapore. I am afraid that with time, the little details will fade away and might eventually leave me with nothing but those photos to hang on to. But home is indeed where I belong. I know deep within, my parents longed for me to be really home. My dad said, "you've been away long enough, maybe its time you come back to spend some time with us" School awaits me on the 11th August. I attained an internship with the courts. So many happy and wonderful things awaits me in Singapore its seems like all these are hinting that packing up is the right choice I've made.
I've decided on this really special day, the first time I am not celebrating my mom's birthday to close this blog of mine. Cause I know I will be burdened with school work and all the other times I have, I really want to spend it with my family to make up for all the 'lost' times, my good friends and living life to its fullest. I have so much I want to accomplish that I do not think I'll be able to keep up to this.
To all who have been reading, thank you for all the wonderful comments you've left especially those times when I was down, sick and feeling home-sick. Thank you and may you all find the happiness in life to cherish those around you as I have. :)
Love.
11:54 AM
Yummy!
Monday, May 11, 2009
后悔了，但是又何奈
Of late, I have been contributing towards possibly days, weeks, months and even likely to be years of regret.
I wished I had woken up earlier to finish what I planned to do. I wished we could turn back time for me to have started revision earlier. I wished I had taken a picture with a snowman I made in the heavy snow. I wish I had given it a try cause we all only live life once, we are only young once. I wish I had more courage to embark on certain things... I wish, I wish, I wish. What's with me these days such that I have the tendency to increase but not decrease my regrets list. How each of these regrets will turn out or under which category they will fall in, I'm not sure. I only wish that it doesn't fall into one where I'll live my life regretting the ommission of the act.
Can someone slap me awake so hard that regret just flies out of the window? I don't like being friends with him because the friendship is an awful one.
Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...
5:54 PM
Yummy!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
家
As I watched 红星大奖 for the first time on Tudou instead of on TV in the comfort of my home during my breaks, I couldn't help but shed that tear of how much I actually am proud of holding that thick flaming red passport. Seeing how a few actually missed the award ceremony because they are in London, I believe my tear encapsulates my regret for not turning up for this day many Singaporeans put effort into making it a success. I heard that it was fun, the weather was good and the food was good too! I guess the exams and the fact that I've been not been surrounded by Singaporeans whilst here makes me dismiss that longing for home to its deepest darkest corner.
This is home.. Truly, where I know I must be, where my dreams wait for me...
1:03 AM
Yummy!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
最爱我的人永远只是你们
I read of blog entries of my friends sharing their travel experiences. I wish I was them. How is it that they don't have to sit for exams like I do? Maybe they've passed that stage. Maybe because they've worked hard before and now they're reaping the rewards of not having to study for one. Whatever it is, I'm envious. I feel really bad for leaving C to do all the work for our trip but I am not exactly in the mood to do anything except to study.
I never felt this stressed before. Its like this last leg is so much tougher than all the other hurdles before. In fact I think its because its so near yet so far. This leg will determine whether it'll be a full-stop or an exclaimation mark or a question mark. How we all wish its an exclaimation mark after all the 'hard' work we put ourselves through. Most importantly for me, it is so that my parents could have 'that hot cup of chocolate in winter', something to warm their hearts for all the hard work they've put in in cheering me on along the sidelines during the race. At times like this, I actually look back at those awful times when I had been lazy, I had rebellious, I had not been understanding, I had been demanding, I had been... And be guilty as charged. The list can go on, yet they still love this flawed individual as whole. Will I ever be able to reciprocate this to anyone I can call my child?
10:40 PM
Yummy!
Monday, April 20, 2009
Bland Expression.
I've been back from Shanghai for quite some time and much as I badly wanna update about the awesome experiences, I don't have pictures to paint those thousand words. I haven't taken the photos from my friend. I on the other hand, didn't take any pictures this trip because somehow I felt that by whipping out the camera, I'm actually spoiling the whole spirit of things. Camera equates to tourists which equates commercialisation. Maybe the other reason is that I don't exactly like my "new" camera. It doesn't seem to take as awesome pictures as I used to. All in all, I don't regret this Easter vacation to tredge down to China.
I've less than a month to prepare for my final exams and I've been down with some virus which had found its way into my body. It hasn't acted up when I was flying back but it did made its presence felt by blocking one of my ears such that it didn't pop when the plane landed. The ear has been bothering me for quite some time now with the virus only acting NOW. More specifically, 2 days ago. Hell. I've been kinda weak this year with the rather frequent announcement of 'I'm sick'. I now do so with loads of embarrassement and without a choice. I do hope to get well soon and head back to my studies.
Pardon me for this rather bland entry. Maybe its cause I've been having rather bland meals lately to cater to the sick body. Meanwhile all the best for your final exams my friends!
9:53 PM
Yummy!
Friday, March 27, 2009
A Tranquil Haven
I just sat through another history lesson, this time an amalgam of justice and perspectives. It used to be just studying for the sake of exams, or to the outnumbered just like picking up a book. It was never really about understanding why we had to study it, why certain things were written in a certain way such that certain people were portrayed in such a way, why this particular part of history is in the syllabus and not others, amongst others. I wonder if any at this point has started wondering why one never thought of these questions before...
Over dinner, I learnt that a Korean drama was "stopped" because of how it was degrading a particular country. "Stopped" cause those translators refused to carry on their tasks. It got me wondering whether certain desires of protecting this "virtual" place they call Father/Motherland actually would banish tranquility into another galaxy.
The movie that I just watched aroused many feelings. Partly due to the study of criminology especially the mini dissertation I wrote on the study of what's good and what's evil. The Germans were brainwashed to think that Jews were evil, were vermins. Just like how I came to learn from my research that gangs are thought to be bad because of how we actually grew up from the influence of the papers (the media), our parents (who are also likely to be influenced by the media), our teachers, our peers. Why can't everybody just look at the good side of others and appreciate them for who they are instead of being blinded by greater ambitions? Why was greed ever a characteristics found in humans? Do we 'degrade' a particular group of people so that we can feel superior? Is superiority in this world really important?
Have you ever thought that the Germans might be portrayed as the bad guy during World War II because we all needed someone to point our fingers at when a fault arises? Maybe 'the others' had pushed the Germans into doing what they were doing. It so happened that 'the others' fall in the majority and hence history is told in this way. Well I guess we'll never know cause the past history has been made whilst the future history unfolds before us.
It just take a spark, to get the fire going, and soon all those around can warm up in its glowing...
The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas****
2:07 AM
Yummy!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Prognosis
I get restless easily. I need excitement all the time. I can't focus on my work until the very last minute which results in sleep sacrificing. I used to be able to solve this problem by watching my shows but now, they don't help. Maybe I do need to travel. To breathe fresh air. Somehow I feel like I'm a small kid trying to seek attention. Worse, I'm suffering from writers block. I kept writing entries but never got to publish them cause they doesn't make any sense at all. Just random rattlings which even I don't understand. (Like now). Maybe I really need to travel so that I can have a rollercoaster of emotions. Yes. What I need. Soon. Embrace the hols!
Australia ****
The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas
12:11 AM
Yummy!
